Man up.

By: Eduardo Sagastume

In an argument with my mom, oftentimes I am told to ‘be a man’ or to ‘man up.’ I am not the only one who thinks this kind of behavior is uber-toxic, of course, who was there to teach me to be the man my mother speaks of? Many teens and even children grow up thinking that they have to be a certain way because that is how they were brought up.

Imagine being told the same words almost every time your parent is angry or when you’re seeking guidance, how would you feel? Most of my life I have internalized that crying is a sign of weakness, that a man isn’t supposed to cry because they have to be strong.

Being brought up like this, essentially emotionless really disrupted my mentality. It is hard for me to show true emotions due to this tragic upbringing. Don’t get me wrong, my mother is an amazing woman and I am so grateful for every detail in my life.

I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for her.

But there are times where I wonder, what if I were shown to wear my emotions on my sleeves and embrace them. It’s as if an entire portion of my brain has been shut off and completely disregarded from civilization.

According to Parents.com, in an article called, Why you should stop telling your son to man up, they state that, “When parents become preoccupied with teaching boys lessons about becoming men, it can reduce their sons abilities to project and overlook their unique personalities.This for the sake of fitting them --often forcefully-- into traditional boxes.”

Boys are not the only ones that go through this kind of blind abuse.

In an interview conducted on a close friend, she said, “I’m often told to be lady-like, and to have manners when I eat, talk, and even the way I sit and present myself. It’s like I’m expected to be a completely different person.”

Women are often placed into these inconspicuous situations that can often frustrate them. If a woman doesn’t want to walk, eat, or talk a certain way, there should be no one telling them what to do.

She also said, “We’re in an era where we don’t listen to these ‘guidelines,’ we are who we are and the way we act is accepted. I guess the older generations aren’t ready for that conversation though.”

I also had a very hard interview with my mother about the topic.

I asked her why she tells me to man up, or to ‘be a man’ to which she said, “Because it’s what you are and what I want you to be, a man.”

Following this, I also asked her if I was everything she wanted me to be, and she replied with, “No, I expect you to be much more than what you are. You’re very special, don’t think I don’t know what I have. You’re a very smart young man, and you, just like your sibling, are going to be great people in life.”

I know that it sucks to hear this and that, but I am now realizing that it usually comes from a place of love.

There are times where it can be destructive, but it’s all stemmed off of one thing and it’s love. The older generation was brought up that way, it isn’t their fault.

What can be done however is understanding, next time, if it just so happens to occur to you, try talking with your parents about it, they’ll listen and understand it a little more than before.