Healing with a helping hand

By Alexis Abrego

The beginning of 2021 was one of the hardest times of my life. My mom was diagnosed with cancer on Jan 6 2021 and on Feb 13 2021 my mom passed away due to cancer. She was someone who was so lovable and kind to everyone. She always supported me and always pushed me to do my best. During this time it was very rough for me because I never saw my mom in this condition.

I always tried to stay positive no matter how much it hurt. I will always be thankful for all she did for me as an amazing mother. Cari has a big impact on my life and especially during this time.

I know Cari wasn’t able to spend a lot of time with her or be able to talk to her as much as she would want to but I still wanted to know if she had a happy memory of her

Alexis: Do you have any happy memories with my mommy? If so, what are they?

Cari: So I didn’t spend that much time with your mom. But all of the little memories that I had with her are my favorite.But I guess my favorite one was when it was Lupe’s wedding and I did her makeup. Even though I only did one eyebrow. And then she complimented me and then she was like oh why don’t you do your makeup. And I was just like yeah I do but it’s only for like special events. And then I got all red because I got shy off what she said.

Alexis: Why was it your favorite memory ?

Cari: Because that was the most I ever talked to your mom. Cuz I’ve never gotten a compliment like that.

I wanted to know if she still remembers how she felt the day she met my mother because I forsure do. I remember it was at one of my soccer games and she was shy to meet my parents but I still asked her to do it.

Alexis: Do you still remember how you felt when you met her? What was that feeling?

Cari: I felt that everyday going to your house I was nervous, like even just to say hi to her. Even though I already met her. But like the very first time I told you I didn’t want to meet them, I remember. And I was like the game ended and then I was sweating. I was sweating and then after I was like how do I say hi.

For me I knew she was my source of happiness because I felt better every time I was with her no matter how bad I felt a couple of mins ago. I am so grateful to be able to have her by my side because without her I don't know how I would have been able to get through this.

Alexis: How did you feel knowing you were my source of happiness of getting through my mom passing away?

Cari: I didn’t know

Alexis: Well how do you feel now then, now that you know

Cari: I don’t know. Well I kind of knew it because you wouldn’t feel sad about it when you are around me. You made the most out of me being there even if it was just for a little and it made me feel pressured; because I felt like I couldn’t tell you what I was going through so I would just keep it to myself to make sure you were okay

I know Cari was feeling sad and bad and everything but she would always check up on me and make sure I was okay. She put me first and cares about me more than she cares about herself. I don’t know why but she would do this, but it made me feel special.

Alexis: Why did you check up on me no matter how you were feeling?

Cari: Because I don’t like seeing you sad, and I always want to know how you are instead of you just keeping it in because I know how that feels

I can sometimes be annoying and boring and sometimes and I am not easy to handle. She would come and spend the whole day with me and even stayed with me for the prayer. I felt safe and better knowing she was here with me every single day but I didn’t know how she felt doing it.

Alexis: How was it like being with me almost everyday trying to make me feel better?

Cari: It was hard because I didn’t know what to really tell you because I didn’t go through that yet. Or maybe i’m not going to go through that, you know vise versa. But it was, it was hard because you know we have arguments but then I would just like try to forget about them cuz I knew you were going through a tough time.

I was not mentally okay because of what happened. I ended up getting depression. I didn't see myself getting to that stage but I did. I was not okay and I knew I wasn’t but I didn’t know if she knew I wasn’t okay. She told me when and how she figured out that I wasn’t mentally okay without me telling her.

Alexis: When did you realise I was not mentally okay?

Cari: When you started playing video games because you never played video games. And you would just distract yourself more than you already do like you get distracted but like you would just be like oh video games this. But then there was this other thing that you used to do was that you would do it with your cousins. You would push people away without knowing you were pushing them away. But I didn’t really tell you anything because you know there is sometimes where you just needed to be like in the family

I am someone who sometimes can change my mood in a split second or it can take me a while to change my mood. I felt like with what was going on it would take me longer to change my mood since it was something that made me feel broken.

Alexis: How was it like trying to make me feel happy/okay?

Cari: It was hard cuz I was trying to keep you happy and like without worrying about anything. I was trying to keep myself happy too but without anyone’s help. Because you obviously had yourself, you had your siblings and everything to keep you happy and you had me. But I just had myself, so it was hard but it was easy because you get happy with everything

Ever since my mommy got very sick she wouldn’t eat or she would barely eat. I also wouldn’t see her smile when she was sick but that was until she would see Cari. When Cari would come to my house during this time my mom always had a smile on her face. Seeing her smile made me happy because she was happy to see her. Cari decided that she wanted to make my mom a soup that’s called caldo de pollo that her mom made when they were sick. So she made it and also taught me how to do it. My mom loved the food she made and she even finished the whole thing without struggling. I remember feeling happy since it was the first time she was able to actually eat.

Alexis: How did you feel when I told you, you were the reason that my mom would smile when she was sick

Cari: I cried because I didn’t know that, I thought your mom would always smile. So when you told me that I was just like oh im special.

Alexis: I mean there was a point where she just stopped and then it would only be when you would come over to see us would be when she would smile.

Cari: I’m the favorite

Alexis: How did you feel when I told you that when you made her food that was the only thing she ate?

Cari: I didn’t believe it cuz my foods not that good

Alexis: It was bussin, it was bussin for her. I'm telling you like we would try to feed her and everything and she wouldn’t until you made the caldo de pollo is the reason she would eat.

Cari: Cuz I did my research, I asked my mom what she would do for me when we were sick cuz when I was sick and like throwing up and I wasn’t eating or anything she made the caldo. She said it was because of the vegetables or whatever and the oils that comes out of the vegetable or the pollo or whatever. So she told me how to make it before I went to your house; so basically that same day I learned

Alexis: So how did it make you feel?

Cari: Special it made me want to cook more

Alexis: Period ima be eating good then

I am still trying to be okay and figure things out. Sometimes it hits me out of nowhere about my mom passing away but I can always count on Cari to be there for me. No matter what time of the day it is, if she is sleeping or not she is always there for me. I am grateful to have her by my side especially during these hard times.

I will always love and miss my mother but I know she is still here with me making sure i'm okay. She will always have my back and help me succeed. She has made my life so much easier and happier. I am grateful for the amazing 16 ½ years she gave me. I love you mommy and I'll see you soon. From your one and only little baby.