friendship lesson

By Dyllan Tran

In a small living room connected to the kitchen, my little brother and I sat down on a couch while we watched TV. We always had conversations on the couch, which would be about the shows on the television, what we ate or even about what we wanted to play.

“You want to do something else?” Nathan asked. We watched about two hours of Curious George and he could see I finally got tired.

“Okay,” I answered, half awake. After stretching my legs, I looked up to see my little brother’s face grinning. Even though I was tired, looking at his face filled me with energy.

I stood up on the couch and immediately jumped down. “Catch me if you can!” I shouted as I started rushing to put on my slippers. Right behind me was my little brother laughing with joy as he chased me around the backyard.

As a kid, I didn’t really like playing games or doing anything that took a really long time. This was probably due to me having a short attention span, but this didn’t stop me from talking with Nathan for a long time.

The reason why I didn’t get bored with Nathan is because my little brother and I had a special bond. It was always easy for us to talk to each other, and we would tell the other to stop if what they were doing was annoying.

It was also really easy to have fun, even with nothing to do. I still remember the time we were playing this puzzle game on his iPad, and it was so much fun that I laughed so hard my belly started hurting, but I didn’t mind.

Most importantly, we trusted each other. We always had each other's backs, in any situation. One time, I saw his grade kind of low, so I decided to help him on his homework. Another time, Nathan helped me wake up and get ready for school.

We didn’t do this because we wanted anything back; we did this because we cared about each other and wanted to help each other out.

But not all friendships stay that way. Nathan had a friendship that started out well but took a turn for the worse.

I remember the first day of coming back to school in August 2016. My little brother, now in second grade at the time, talked about his new friend he made, who we’ll call Jeremy for this story.

Nathan immediately ran into the house dragging me with him. “I made a new friend today!” He shouted.

Nathan started telling me all about his day. He talked about what he did in class, playing soccer during recess, and also meeting his new friend for the first time.

“He sounds like a nice guy.” I replied, “Hopefully I will get to know him too.” That day, our parents bought us some ice cream as a celebration.

As his older brother, I was really proud of him because he used to be a shy kid and wouldn’t talk to others. He used to only want to join me in whatever I wanted to do; however, he made a big step when he made his first friend.

I remember him always talking about Jeremy, who he became close to. Nathan started inviting him to join games we played together.

I, too, got along with Jeremy easily. We all shared multiple similarities such as liking a certain genre of games like sandbox and adventure games. We also watched the same shows like Curious George, Dinosaur Train and Wild Kratts, and we would sometimes watch movies for those shows together.

Nathan: We got along pretty easily, like- we always had each other to talk too. We would usually talk about the games we played, and most of the time we played the same things.

However, it wasn’t always like this forever. Jeremy gradually got meaner and meaner.

Nathan told me that Jeremy started playfully insulting him, but it was all in “good fun” so Nathan didn’t really care at first. Nathan eventually asked him to stop, but his friend kept on going which led Nathan to get increasingly frustrated with his friend.

Jeremy would also boss Nathan around, but because Nathan was scared of losing his first friend, he just went along with it.

This was when Nathan realized how he didn’t enjoy his friend’s company like he used to. With no clue what to do, Nathan was left feeling exhausted.

One day when I saw Nathan, a usually energetic kid, come home from school looking more tired than usual, I asked him what was wrong.

He told me how Jeremy wasn’t the same. His friend started being more disrespectful and loud, and Nathan said he couldn’t handle it anymore.

Nathan: He used to always make fun of others, and he would also make fun of me. I didn’t really mind at first, but he said some really mean things.

One time, when it was time to turn in their homework, Nathan searched his desk and backpack, but he couldn’t find his work. He came home still searching for it, but it wasn’t until the next day when Jeremy told him that he hid his homework. Nathan told me that he was pushed over the edge.

Nathan considered to stop talking to his friend before; however, he felt unhappy to lose his first friend.

Nathan: It kind of felt bad, I’ve known him for a long time, but I think it was a good move.

I told Nathan how it was okay to lose his first friend, and that I would always be there for him. Nathan, now with my reassurance, mustered up the courage and stopped talking to his friend.

Nathan: It didn’t feel enjoyable anymore like- when I realized the relationship was toxic, he was always complaining or shouting at me while I played with him.

Everytime Jeremy would talk to Nathan, Jeremy would get ignored and even when Jeremy tried to get Nathan’s attention by annoying him, Nathan would just tell the teacher. Jeremy eventually gave up. I remember Nathan feeling a lot better after that, and he was no longer tired whenever he came home. Even though he was a little bummed out at first, he got over it pretty quickly and later made other friends that were nicer to him.

Dyllan: Did you find it hard getting rid of your friendship?

Nathan: It was pretty easy because I found it not fun anymore when I played with him. I was also getting tired of him shouting at me.

Dyllan: How did you feel after getting out of that relationship?

Nathan: I felt about the same, even though he was an old friend of mine, it didn’t change me that much.

Nathan’s experience helped him learn the value in friendships.

Dyllan: What do you value in friendships now?

Nathan: You need trust and respect in relationships, I think those are the two most important things I look forward to in new relationships.

Nathan said that if he could give advice to him as a kid, he would tell himself to not be scared to confront someone, especially if you don’t like what they’re doing.

Nathan: I would tell myself to not to be scared to stop talking to someone, because that advice would help me in the long run.

This experience also helped me understand how friendships work, and how to distinguish a toxic relationship from a positive one.

Without Nathan’s experience I wouldn’t have been talking to the people I know right now.

I used to be in a friend group in fifth grade with two of my other friends, similar to Nathan’s friend, they seemed pretty nice at first. After getting to know them better, however, I saw who they really were.

They always pressured me into doing something I didn’t like, so I decided to talk to other people and I met this really nice person. We got along so well, we are still friends to this day.

In a positive relationship, you need communication, support, trust and respect. Having none of these features could help you spot a toxic relationship just like how I spotted mine.