Finding inner peace

By Gina Pedroza

When you think of spirituality, what images come to mind?

For many people, spirituality looks like meditation, a tarot or palm reader, or maybe someone who is in touch with nature. Whatever comes to mind, spirituality is one of the best forms of self-love in a world where everyone is trying to figure out who they are in a time where chaos and disconnection are prevalent.

Some people find spiritual people odd or weird because spiritual practitioners don't necessarily adhere to more well-known beliefs like Christianity or Catholicism. But do you ever wonder how much change spirituality could invoke within yourself and how it could help strengthen relationships with others?

If and when we ever feel lost or without a purpose, we as humans try to find ways to make us feel happy. For some, that is having a hobby to invest themselves in. For me that something was spirituality.

At the time I was going through a difficult conflict with my best friend destiny. We were both having a hard time communicating and one of us had broken the other’s trust. Consequently, I found myself feeling stagnant, severely depressed, and even without a purpose. It felt as if it were an out-of-body experience. She recently shared with me what she had noticed.

Destiny: No I could see that, when you would come in (student union) you would sit there, and when you were with Isaiah and them I can tell like it wasn’t you. You were just- like you were just there, and you would kinda like blank out.

I felt like I wasn’t much of a good person and I was completely isolating myself from the friends I had left and family, but I needed that isolation to learn more about myself and how my actions could affect those around me.

Destiny: well from freshman year you kept to yourself, you excluded yourself from everybody but then I guess when you got more into it- or when you had your first experience in it, you were very like… more of an open spirited- open minded person. Before you used to be very- you would push people away more harshly than before, you were introverted. You had your moments when you were really happy or excited about something then you would have these moments where you would be like “leave me alone”.

Gina: yeah like irritable.

Destiny: yeah and-

Gina: well I mean I’m still kind of like that but a little less [laughs]

Destiny: No yeah, way less than before.

During the three months that Destiny and I were not talking to each other, I felt very alone and would tend to browse YouTube to pass the time.I came across a tarot reader who was doing a collective reading and I was instantly intrigued. My journey with spirituality was now beginning, and the extra alone time gave me a lot more time to process my emotions and helped me learn self-love. I would try my hardest to be kind to myself whenever I felt like I was going to give up.

Once I had discovered spirituality I began to do tons of research and was hyper fixated, to say the least. I had finally found that something that had been missing. Not only did it help me find purpose within my life but it also helped me find inner peace within myself.

Learning to show myself compassion and love was one of the most crucial things that I had picked up while doing my research in spirituality. More specifically, I used meditation to teach myself how to stay grounded in moments when I felt like I had no control over my life. Meditation also helped me give myself constant reassurance and validation which ultimately provided me fulfillment and helped me practice more self-love.

Such tools like meditation and tarot were the most impactful on me when going through my awakening. The spiritual practitioner I saw on YouTube stressed that it was important to connect with yourself through meditation to truly understand the roots of your problems and become a lot more self-aware. Ever since then meditation has helped me relieve my anxiety and has helped me cope with stress better.

Not only did I heal tons of un-attended trauma but I learned to be more empathetic to those around me, especially to the person who meant the most to me. I wasn’t planning on rekindling our friendship but I knew better than to be like the stubborn person I used to be. So I swallowed my pride and I decided to heal our broken friendship.

Destiny: when we first talked again, you came up to me! And I was like OMG I wasn’t expecting that. I was like is she going to yell at me? [laughs]. But no you came up really like bubbly like I would come off you know. And I was all like damn! Woah! Who is this! You know and you can tell there was a drastic change and your attitude- like your aura, like how you came off to people and your intentions, were way more- I wouldn't say positive. You just came off so…

Gina: like new

Destiny: like new. I was like who is this? It was just a much more positive person.

At first, I was a little hesitant to tell her about what I had experienced because there is a bit of a stigma around the whole concept of spirituality. She was an atheist at the time and I was a bit scared to open up about what had happened because I thought that she might find it crazy or weird. But in reality, she was very attentive and interested in what I was saying, and it was surprising because anyone else that I told about my experience seemed a little confused by it or didn’t believe in stuff like spirituality.

Destiny: I thought it was so cool! The more that you talk about crystals and seeing everything, I thought it was so cool. That’s how I got into crystals because of you literally. You know, I’m not as experienced, and I’m still new to it but, you were very open to telling me more about it, and so I wouldn’t say at all that I thought it was weird or I was concerned but it was so cool. Especially when you talked about the moon water and you had it with me, I was like “Dang! That’s so cool! I didn’t know about that.” I just thought crystals were just rocks- you know, pretty rocks. I literally didn't know anything about it. It was just really cool.

With that in mind, I was excited to show her all of the things that I had learned, especially the tarot. Tarot cards and connecting with spirit guides was so much fun to do by myself and I wanted her to see how cool and helpful it was to use this amazing practice, so I pulled out my deck of cards that I had gotten a while back and shuffled them with excitement.

Initially, she had this worried expression on her face as if I was about to tell her she was doomed, but when I started asking my spirit guides for a message, four cards jumped out of the deck and described her exact situation in detail along with some really good advice that she needed to hear.

The second that I gave her the zodiac sign of the person involved she looked at me as if she had seen a ghost, she stopped me mid-reading and said “wait that’s [blank] zodiac sign.” I couldn't believe it myself. It was a clear sign of who the reading was about and we just sat there looking at each other, amazed at what we just experienced.

I was so glad that I could show her what I was doing for the last three months.

Destiny: The tarot reading… the one in September.

Gina: And I gave you their EXACT zodiac sign and you were like-

Destiny: their exact zodiac sign! And I was like that's crazy! And that's the scenario that changed my answer. I have to listen. I have to listen to it. And i did! So that's a way that it affected me. That experience I guess rubbed off on me in a way where it brought my own experience to happen.

Destiny and I became closer than ever. Before my awakening, we would constantly fight and we were rarely open with each other. It felt as if I finally got to know my best friend along with myself. I didn't feel like I needed to hide anything from her and overall was just a sense of peace knowing that I could be fully honest with the one person that meant the most to me.

But not only did I change, our friendship was also visibly much better than before. We had longer heartfelt talks, we were more affectionate to each other, and were overall the happiest we could be together.

Destiny: it's not clear but it's still there. It may not be noticeable, but you can just kinda get the vibe for when we reunited as friends again. You know when we became friends again and developed trust and so like with your spirituality it definitely- it had impacted us, you know with your own change for everything. You know like I said you were open-minded, you were more affectionate too. You know you used to not be affectionate at all because you were like “uhh get off me! I dont wanna take pictures. Like why are you hugging me? Why are you literally caring about me?” but now you’re like you know you're more comfortable so that impacted us a lot you know cuz personally, my side of our friendship I would get sad you know, because I’m like “Damn, why doesn't my bestie like me? Why won't she take pictures with me?” like why is she so closed off. Overall it did. It impacted us and it helped us grow and now we bond more. It’s grown both of us.

Gina: I feel like we never had intimate conversations especially on your side like you would rarely open up to me. It was always just me screaming and crying about my mom and family and all that. And i feel like… honestly and truthfully if i hadn't gone through my spiritual awakening, that fight that we had would have been our last and i would not be your friend- [nervous laugh] because i was just- i tried to convince myself that you know one person was the problem but in reality, it was both of us but also it was mostly me because i was just so. I don't know what the word would be to describe how I was. I was just not a good person. Like you said, I was very closed off. I pushed people away and I just didn’t like interacting with others, it just wasn't my thing. And like I said if I hadn't gone through my awakening- if I didn't find inner peace in myself I would not be here talking to you because [nervous laugh] I almost lost hope completely. I was almost at the point where I’m over it, I was done. Like we fight every month and I'm tired like I'm tired of trying. But then something happened and well shit were right here [laughs]

Destiny: yeah we're literally right here. Thriving. And when have we fought? Uhhh no se? (i don't know)

Ever since then Destiny and I have been inseparable. We have grown so much more and are happier than ever. Who knew that my journey with spiritually would change my life in the long run. I learned to connect with myself, my ancestors, my spirit guides, and those around me. My experience goes to show that the person you are can affect your environment.

Not only is spirituality about healing yourself but learning to be kind to yourself and those around you. So what is something that you practice that gives you a sense of inner peace and purpose?

Song credits

Awakening Instrumental - Wataboi

Modular Ambient 04 - sscheidl

Magic - Nielizas