wistful spring

By Selina Tran

It was around the middle of March. My birthday was coming up and I’d already made plans to go out with my friends to celebrate. We were planning on going to a restaurant called High Five to eat some of my favorite food together. I wanted to order fried chicken, fries, and pizza there. It was something I was looking forward to.

Little did I know, that excitement would disappear during my 7th period art class. I had a substitute teacher for that period, and there wasn’t much work for us to do. It was the last class for the day, so my friend and I were just taking it easy.

That is, until I heard that the school was going to be closed because of the pandemic. I heard about it from my friend who was in the same class. I knew that there were some schools near our area that were already closed, and was wondering when that was going to be the case for our school too.

I anticipated for it to happen, but didn’t expect it to happen a few days before my birthday.

I was surprised when I found out during my 7th period because it was pretty last minute. I kind of wished that we were notified about it ahead of time.

But, it’s not like I had that much going on for me in my junior year anyway. In fact, junior year might’ve been the most mundane year for me. Everyday was perpetual, and I only ever hung out with one friend outside of class.

During lunch, we’d wait in line to get food then head over to the tennis courts. After we’d finished eating, we would either toss a football back and forth to each other, or just sit on a bench and talk. Occasionally, another friend would join us, but that was very rare. It was mainly just the two of us hanging out, and we really wanted to have more friends.

I wouldn’t have minded so much if school was only going to be closed for the remainder of junior year. I just wanted school to at least be reopened once senior year started. But, it dragged out for over an entire year.

There’s a part of me that is disappointed that my last year of high school is online, but there’s another part of me that’s also relieved.

My teachers have told me that senior year matters the most. I know that many students have a very difficult time with distance learning, however, I think I got it pretty easy. I thought that my grades would drop from learning online, but to my surprise, they’re better compared to when I was learning in person.

What I am disappointed about, though, is that my class schedule for senior year changed a lot. Originally, I was supposed to have six classes, which consisted of Veterinary Science, English, Math, Government/Econ, Art, and TA. Because of distance learning, Art and TA were taken off my schedule, leaving me with four classes. You would think that having less classes would make me happy, but I was looking forward to having Art class the most, and I wanted to experience what being a TA was like.

Many students and teachers, including my friends and myself, are experiencing what distance learning is like for the first time. So, I wanted to know what my friends’ thoughts and reactions were about this whole experience, starting from when they first heard about the announcement.

My friend Hailey shared that she felt more excited than upset about it:

Hailey: “I was excited--the fact that I thought it would be a break from school. It technically was because we basically had all of March off because we didn’t know what we would be doing. So, I was more excited than really upset about it.”

My friend Andy had a slightly different reaction in that he felt surprised:

Andy: “My reaction when I found out school was closing due to the pandemic was actually surprising. I actually was doubting that it wasn’t possible that school was closing for the first time in my life.”

I’m pretty sure that if we knew it was going to be the “last day,” we would’ve tried to make it somewhat more memorable, as if it was the actual last day of school. But, of course, no one would have known that school would be closed for that long. Our last memories of school were from that one particular day.

Again, here’s Hailey and Andy:

Hailey: “I actually remember being in math with my friend, Lela and we were talking about all the things we were going to do in the summer of 2020 because we were excited over the fact that we could probably do more cool things because we’re older. And it never happened.”

Andy: “The last thing I remember was actually worrying for an English reading exam that was next weekend, plus I was hanging out with you and our friends--basically, like a mini pot luck at the tennis courts.”

Selina: “Was that really the last thing we did?”

Andy: “Yeah! We did!”

For some odd reason, I don’t remember having the pot luck with my friends on the day before school closed. Don’t get me wrong, I remember it happening, just not on that day. But, I’m glad that I got to spend time with my friends one last time before I won't get to see them again for a long time.

Because school closed so abruptly, it left some of us with regrets--things we wished that could have been different. I know that what happened in the past can’t be changed, but I think it’s important to reflect back on the things that happened.

Selina: “What would you have done if you knew in advance that school would be closed and you wouldn’t be able to see your friends?”

Hailey: “I had yearbook at the time, and the day before school ended--officially, I didn’t go to school on Friday--I had to borrow a camera for yearbook and I made my friend turn in the camera. In order to get the camera, you had to give your ID to the teacher and I made my friend return the camera because I wasn’t going to be there on Friday. And I never got my ID back because we didn’t have school for the rest of the whole year, and I have no clue where it is still. That’s one thing I kind of regret.”

Selina: “What are some things you wished you did or wanted to do while we were still learning in person at school? Do you have any regrets now that you may no longer be able to do them?”

Hailey: “I wished I could’ve experienced the last day of school because that’s like the fun part of school is like the last day because it was my freshman year--it was my first time being in high school. So, I was excited for that, but I’m a little sad now that I don’t get to experience it then and now. I don’t really care about anything that happened during school, like projects and stuff like that. I wanted to experience the last day of school and I just couldn’t.”

Selina: “Was there something you were looking forward to last year that you were unable to do? How did it affect you?”

Hailey: “Probably the summer I was going to hang out with my friends--for the stuff we planned on doing that was all canceled. That’s really it, it’s the only thing I was really upset about.”

Selina: “Was there something you were not looking forward to that you ended up not doing? How did it affect you?”

Hailey: “Mostly our finals for freshman year, the fact that we didn’t have to do them I was really excited for that.”

I thought that I still had plenty of time left to turn my junior year around. But, it seems like I took that time for granted because I wasn’t able to do something that I wanted to do. I felt like I didn’t make the most of my junior year.

My classes were going fine and my grades weren’t anything to be concerned about. What I wanted most, along with my best friend, was to make more friends outside of our classes.

Making friends in our classes wasn’t a problem for us, but we would be bored during lunch and break time because we didn’t have anyone else to talk to besides the two of us. I regret not being determined enough to change that.

We know that distance learning happened because the school closed. As I’ve mentioned before, learning online doesn’t come easy to everyone. It’s not as simple to some people compared to others. Hailey is struggling with it a little bit.

Hailey: “It could be better, my grades have gone down a lot than what it normally would be. But, I’m still passing in a way, so that’s one thing I’m very grateful for. But, yeah. It could be better.”

According to 10 Tips for Supporting Students Struggling with Online Learning by Christina Sabo, “..now that online is the only option some students may be seriously struggling in ways they weren’t when they were in the physical classroom due to learning preferences, increased stress, communication problems, lack of technical knowledge, or some combination of any of the former.”

Since my friend Hailey is currently a sophomore in high school, she could still return to school once it reopens. I wanted to know how she felt about that, because I won’t be coming back anymore.

Hailey: “I’m really excited because my sophomore year was not fun at all, so I’m excited to be back in person. I realized it’s much easier to do work in person.”

I’m graduating high school in less than 4 weeks. While in distance learning, I realized how quickly high school went by, just like how most people said it would. I really wanted to make my senior year a fun and memorable one.

Well, I’m sure it’ll definitely still be memorable with it being online and all. But, I didn’t think it would happen in this way. I wanted to meet new people, make new friends, and experience new things. I guess I’ll have to wait until I go to college to do all that. I still have another chance.

Once I graduate, I’ll probably never see the people I went to high school with again, unless they’re going to the same college. I know I wasn’t close to a lot of people or had that many friends in my junior year, but it still makes me sad to think about.

Nonetheless, things change and life goes on. As time goes by, I probably won’t be thinking about it anymore because I’ll be too busy living my own life. Hopefully.

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