Me, myself, and I

By Eric Michua

For as long as I can remember, I have always been doing things on my own. ever since I was in Elementary, I had no one to take me to school and I had to discipline myself to wake up every weekday at 6am to catch the bus. if I missed it I had to go walking which took 20 minutes.

My parents were always working, and rarely seeing them caused a disconnect between us. It felt like they didn’t care enough about me for them to go out of their way to come to my school or teach me things, like riding a bike or teaching me how to tie my shoes and now no one’s there to teach me how to do adult stuff like fixing a car wheel etc. I have to learn everything on my own.

My dad once told me “you don’t need a babysitter, you guys can watch each other.” We were always left home alone with all this time on our hands, nothing to do, thinking and thinking all byself. Isolated from the world, I started reflecting on myself, actions and thoughts, like the things I did in the past and what I could have done better for next time.

They locked us in the house from all the “trouble” from the world, thinking it was going to be good for us but in reality it did more bad than good. Our Social skills took a massive hit and that’s not good when you are a growing child. not only that but we had little to no exercise, bad food, and we were so disconnected from reality one example is false beliefs like thinking there was just endless water over the mountains and nothing else.

Even when I did see my parents, they were always bringing me down, especially my mom. I never got validation from them when I did something good. I never heard them say, “I love you, I care about you, I’m proud of you” or just hearing some feedback from them that is not always negative.

This made me so empty on the inside, feeling like nobody cared about me. This is where people find bad role models or join gangs all because they want to feel validated and part of something. So when 8th grade hit I started hanging out with the bad kids because I wanted to fit in, at first. I saw them taking hits of drugs and making keys to break into cars and bringing butterfly knives to school. The funniest part is that on the second day of hanging out with them I decided to go back with my other group of friends because I got disrespected and I said nope I’m not taking that, I was like bro I don’t even care about fitting in anymore and went back to play my game with the people who actually care about me. I still play that game to this day (shout out Clash of Clans crew).

I realized that I didn't care about fitting in after all, and I didn't care about what most kids my age were Interested in. Moreover, I had no interest in social media, especially Instagram, because I knew that every time I went on it, I left feeling like I wasn't enough. I was trying to be happy and it sucked because kids my age couldn’t relate to me. So, I gravitated toward people who were older than me because they were more Mature,had more knowledge and we're very humbled. However,there were times where I met people who thought they were always right and discredited all of my advice/opinions. The thing I dislike the most is when a person thinks I'm not capable of understanding because of my age. Maturity is never about age but rather your actions and mindset and those who say age is what defines maturity aren’t mature or are wrong, is what a friend told me and I completely agree You don't know how many times people brushed me off because I was younger than them or they told me “you're just ___ years old, you wouldn't know,” but as soon as someone older than them tells them the same damn thing they will be acting like Jesus Christ came down from heaven

Even with all that bad stuff around me, I have never done anything to harm my body or go against my morals.which are to not cheat,Treat others as you want to be treated.Have integrity, Have respect for yourself and others, those are just a few.

I just wouldn’t let myself do it. But sadly many kids could not do the same thing. One of my friends who I’m not going to name, continues doing all the bad things from middle school. She has told me she felt suicidal because her baby daddy left her, she has a lot of drama with bad people and her mom threatening to kick her out of the house because she's not focusing on school. It sucks how many people fall because parents were never there for them.

I recently talked to a friend named Cari,who shared with me the impact of her parents not being around.She has gone through much of the same thing I've been endured:

Cari: “ a lot of Childhood trauma, anxiety and I don’t want to say I'm really depressed but there's just time to that I lose a lot of motivation because of them. How is it like not having your parents around when you were a kid, How did that affect you? Not having my parents around made me feel like they didn't love me in a way. Cuz you would want to have your parents there for the greatest accomplishments but I wasn't really raised around them. It really affecting me because now I'm not as close to them and I really distance myself from them.

Eric: So like do they lock you up in the house like you know what I mean they don’t really let go outside you just always chilling in the house?

Cari: Yes they do that a lot, Honestly I'm usually in the house cooking staying here because my siblings are under age and can’t stay alone.

Cari also wrote about the same topic and how much it hurted her (so go check it out) but now I decided I wanted to talk to someone whose parents were around.

I asked my friend Italy the same question as Cari. Italy one of my pre-school friends said:

Italy: “I was younger. My parents were always around and it didn't really affect me cuz I knew there were always going to be there for me. So then I proceeded to ask her if you could unlearn one toxic thing your parents taught you what would it be? I wouldn't unlearn anything because my parents have always taught me the best and I'm happy they did because I probably won't even be myself if it wasn't for them.” After hearing that I was shocked how something so little as someone not being there could cost that much problems.

As hard as my childhood was, I never followed a bad path like others, nor did I ever do anything to cause trouble to myself or my family. The fact is that I had to make myself responsible for myself. I had to be my own support but I’m not going to take all of the credit, the one who was there for me was YouTube.

As sad as that may sound to some, that was my only role model because one day 13 year old me was heartbroken. Come to find out the girl I liked...well, I felt she didn’t really care about me and just wanted attention. I was a simp to her every word and for those who don’t know what simp means it’s used to describe a man who would do absolutely anything to win over or please a woman.Puting the girl up on the pedestal while she brings nothing to the table.

She took advantage of my kindness and broke me down. She always used to guilt-trip me into doing things for her. My relationship with her was was toxic and she knew it as well.

But one day she moved away never to see her again, I was left broken and sad thinking to myself I did everything for her….why didn’t she like me? For the first time, the YouTubers I watched for entertainment couldn’t make me feel better. so I grabbed my phone, went on YouTube and searched “why doesn’t she like me?” and just like that…. My whole world changed for the better. I found people like Teachingmensfashion, Alpha M, based Zeus and many more people who help me expand my knowledge and build my confidence

I Slowly stopped being a pushover, I buried that simp 6 feet under the ground and I swore to myself to never be played like that again to never play anyone.To not vibe with Toxic people and to find people who will bring me up.To this day I'm constantly trying to compete with one person and one person is me. No matter how many hits I take I’m still standing up even when it looks like I'm strong, that pain still in me but I use that pain and turn it into motivation! I am not going to stop and you shouldn’t either.

That’s why I love my journalism class so much. Not only has it given me a chance to express myself freely without judgement; it also helped me grow as a person. I learned a lot in this class, like being better at writing essays, opening my eyes to fake history and the Value our words hold. So for all of you listening...Don't take things in life for granted, it can be as little as someone saying have a good day before you leave for work, and for my classmates don't take this class for granted or for the people who aren’t in this class don’t take family for granted because once it’s gone you’re going to realize how much you needed them.cuz one day you will figure out why my teacher Mike was preaching these things about Social justice,life advice and you will deeply thank him.

but my time has come oh fellow classmates or future upcoming one’s of mine it, saddened me that this is my very last story, I still want to write about manys things like Cancel culture, Equality and the flaws of it, The Bandwagon Effect and many more but I guess this is where my Journey ends and I know I might sound a little over dramatic but when something means a lot to you who wouldn’t? I’mma leave you with a final message and that’s “You have to be uncomfortable in order to be successful, in some ways. If you stay in your comfort zone! You would never do the things you need to do.”