big obstacles,
stronger friendship

By Eunice Rios

It was a Friday evening. My mom and I went to my best friend’s house to visit her and her mom like always. It was an everyday thing to go and visit them. In this story, we will refer to my friend as Athena. She and I grew up together and have been best friends since we were babies.

During that time, I was going through a lot of family problems that traumatized me, especially because I was just a kid who didn’t have the tools to be strong enough and be mentally and emotionally prepared. I thought to myself, why not go to my friend’s house to distract myself? Who would’ve thought that I wouldn’t be the only one going through such a rough time?

When my mom and I got inside, we ate food and I went upstairs to look for Athena. I knocked on the door and when she opened it, it seemed like she was forcing her smile. I know her very well to the point where I can tell when she’s lying, when something is going on, and when there’s something she doesn't want to tell me.

I asked her if she was okay, and she lied, saying she’s fine. I told her to tell me what was going on. She sighed, I locked the door, hugged her, and then she began to cry. She told me she had a problem with a family member and I felt awful.

I didn’t ask her a lot of questions about it because I knew she just needed comfort and someone to listen to her. When she started to feel better, I told her I was also going through something at home and I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. We gave each other advice about the situations we were going through. It felt nice to talk about our problems and we both felt a warm feeling inside.

Whenever we had problems, we’d talk about them and then we’d play any type of sad music to cry together, upbeat songs to dance and shake off our negative thoughts for a sec, give each other facials, paint our nails, and go out for a walk in the neighborhood. We would be there for each other when no one else was.

She went through something very traumatic that no one should ever go through. It took her a long time to tell her mom what was going on, and because she took her time opening up, she went through depression. She wasn’t the happy person I knew. She would typically be the outgoing and funny type, but due to the problem she had, she started being quiet and sad.

Athena: “My depression stage lasted 4 years . . . and it lasted that long because I

never spoke up to my mom or an eld-, like someone older than me and finally

I shared it. Now, I’m not as depressed.”

Knowing that it lasted 4 years made me feel like I wasn’t the most supportive friend because I felt like I could’ve done something to make her depression not last that long.

When I was a kid, I didn’t have the comfort or support I needed while going through that problem. Not only did I feel like I couldn’t talk to anyone else about it, but I felt like I was trapped, or at least I felt like I was—until I told her.

Eunice: I remember telling you the problems I had at home and then you told me you also had problems. So if I hadn’t told you about my problems at home, would you even tell me your problems at all? Why?

Athena: “No matter what the situation was, I would always tell you because no matter what, if you never told me your problems I would tell you because you

knew me so well. When I was upset or sad that you would always ask, like you can tell me like if you want to talk, talk to me and I’ve always shared my feelings with you no matter what.”

Even though I was going through problems of my own at home like having constant arguments with my dad, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. When my mom and I found out that Athena’s mom was pregnant and later on gave birth, I saw Athena getting better. She told me she would distract herself by drawing and by taking care of her younger brother.

By spending time with her younger brother, it sort of helped take her mind off of the situation, but it didn’t stop her entirely from thinking about what she was going through.

During that time, I felt like she needed someone to listen to her and be by her side. Although I was going through a difficult situation too, seeing her go through this emotional pain showed me that she needed me, and my only safe place was her room. I couldn’t tell anyone what I was going through because I felt like it would cause more problems at home, but she’s my best friend so I had to tell her. She felt like she couldn’t tell anyone her problem either, but she could tell me.

Athena: I felt like I couldn’t tell anybody because I felt like my mom wouldn't believe me because I’ve told her many times when we went to family reunions. And my mom would just be like oh like he always hugs you that’s it. I’m like that's why I felt like I couldn’t tell her because she didn’t find it like in that way.

Being in a tough situation and not having your own family have your back can be hard. You expect family to be there for you, but sometimes that’s not always the case. There are times where I had problems in the past and sometimes my family wouldn’t have my back, which honestly hurts. You assume family is always going to be your number one backup, but sometimes it’s other people who are the ones to have your back.

Athena: “I always considered your guy’s family as family. I never mentioned you guys as a friend or anything because you guys are like super close to me ever since I was a kid as a baby. I say you guys are more of a family because my own family as in my dad’s family, we were never close at all due to what happened to all of us when we were a kid. Your guy’s family was more involved with us and your parents as well, which to the point that really connected our bond more than just friends. It feels like we’re family to the end because you guys were always there for us when we were kids.”

Athena and I are still young and we still have a whole life ahead of us. Although we went through a rough time as kids, we now know how to cope with it, who to talk to, and most importantly, how to be there for each other.

Athena: “It was a really big obstacle that we ended up going through and it made me grow physically and mentally with you cuz like us as a young kid we would’ve never expected us to go through that, but it made us more connected in a way to trust each other more and get more comfortable with each other.”

We all go through tough times in life and it doesn't matter how many times we fall, but how many times we get up. Athena left a small message out there for anyone who needs a word of advice and to those who need to hear it.

Athena: “Reach out for help no matter what. I know sometimes life can give you, can go the wrong direction, but you should always I would always want to ask for help no matter how big or small the situation is because if you don’t do it, you’re gonna mentally and physically break down and not want to live and that's the worst part.”

What Athena said is right. If you are going through something, it’s best to talk to someone you trust whether it’s a friend or an adult. Don’t keep things inside because it can damage you. There have been a lot of cases of people committing suicide because of going through hardships alone. We must speak to someone to let out everything we hold inside.

Athena and I are there for each other and tell each other everything. We help each other get up when we fall. If one of us is going through a tough time and can’t carry all the weight we’re holding inside, the other person will carry the other half of the weight. There is always someone to talk to, and if that person helps you out without wanting or needing anything in return, then that’s your true friend right there.

If you are a student at Yerba Buena who is going through a difficult time and would like some support, please contact Student Support Services.