Sun Amongst rain

By Leah Padilla

It’s the end of May and school is wrapping up. And as I reflect on this year I remember moments where I have felt tired and overwhelmed. I understand and feel the weight of distance learning. I have felt stressed and depressed because it's my junior year, and when you don't quite understand the work, you feel like there's nothing else you can do and you lose hope and get discouraged.

My struggle makes me think of my sister Hannah who has autism and can't really wrap her head around why we need to social distance and isn't able to vocalize how she really feels. Being with her everyday, I witness her in distress and really struggling with her class work.

Hannah has always had a problem with going to school. She’s always counting down the days to the weekend. Hannah gets up before school to get ready and she is already is waiting for her last class of the day. She doesn't like going to her classes because she doesn’t comprehend what she is supposed to be learning. After me or my grandma login to her classes for her she kind of just sits in front of the computer. She tries her best to listen and she does but when it's time to do the work she doesn't know how to do it or even know what to ask.

Based on living and spending everyday with both my grandma and Hannah I can tell that they both are frustrated. I recently interviewed my grandma to understand how she is feeling at this point in time.

Leah: “Hi Grandma, how are you feeling being a year into this pandemic- like the new social distance life?”

Grandma: “It's been very difficult for me.

Leah: “Oh okay. Can you like, elaborate on that?”

Grandma: “Well just trying to keep schedules and being home with the kids. Also trying to balance my life at home and at work has been difficult.”

Like everyone else, this pandemic really shook our lives up. My grandma is only getting older and she does all she can for us to live a decent life. But this is hard for her given her age and the fact that she has two high school students, one of whom has autism and really struggles in school. My grandma talked about how she has seen Hannah having a hard time in school.

Leah: “How do you feel like needing to be like a part time teacher for Hannah? Just having to help her when you do have the time to help her? “

Grandma :“Its difficult also in that area, having the patience having/helping her learn the computer skills” “She's been frustrated also. It just hasn't been easy to manage social distance learning and also just not going outdoors and being safe”

Schooling was difficult for my sister from the very beginning and it is my sister's first year at a new high school. She struggles with reading and writing on her own and she just doesn't comprehend what work to do or how to do it. She’ll try by herself at first and not ask for help but then I can slowly see her get frustrated and emotional, that's when I relate to her to a degree because I can see myself in her in those moments.

Another challenge that Hannah is facing is not having much interaction with people her age. This is hard for her since she has always been pretty social. She had a few steady friendships in middle school. But due to distance learning and not having any contact outside of home she has no way of really having friends. She struggles with communicating, and at times she tries to get a point across but the way she speaks sometimes doesn't always make sense. Then she gets frustrated because we don't understand. My grandma and I talked about this.

Leah: “Do you wish Hannah got kind of a “normal” first day of high school? Especially because this year’s been a mess for everyone.”

Grandma: “Yes because this is her first year in high school so she missed out on meeting new friends from different schools and meeting her teachers”

But one thing that stays consistent is that since we are family and spend pretty much every waking minute together she just becomes comfortable with our routine and the way we all talk to each other.

Despite all of Hannah's struggles in school like not knowing how to read or solve a math equation, she is special. She is much more than her autism. She might not be the best at communicating her thoughts but she can make sense of a situation and what's going on. When she was little people thought she might never talk but through all of these years of growing she can now speak her mind whenever she wants.

Leah: “What do you want people to know about Hannah?”

Grandma: “Well Hannah really likes to express herself and with this distance learning she really hasn't, she's been a little closed up but she's getting better and she does say shes trying so I do see her making an effort, but it's a slow process for her and for me too to keep her on a schedule.”

Leah: “What do you admire most about Hannah?”

Grandma: “Wells she's very loving and emotional. And once she gets a routine down she’ll stick with it. That's the hardest things, getting her on that routined schedule.”

One thing I really love about my sister is she is strong, she lives in a world full of people who are different from her and through all the struggles she faces she really just seems happy. One of my favorite memories of Hannah is when she was around the age of 7.

It’s warm, I think the beginning of summer vacation. Hannah's favorite snack at the time was mini chocolate cupcakes from our local Safeway. We used to not have a car so we’d all walk together to the store down the street. Living in a house full of girls coming in and out that was just normal. One day Hannah decided to be independent and walk to the store by herself. I must've been out playing with friends because I don't remember her leaving the house or even seeing her make her way to the light at the end of our street. Then my mom finally found her after her and my older sister were freaking out about where she went. When my mom found her Hannah was at the crosswalk in her nightgown and asked her where she was going and Hannah replied: “To get cupcakes.”

I don't know. I always think about that because if Hannah is one thing, she's pretty consistent and yeah consistent doesn't always mean perfect but, she’s very smart in her own ways. And I want people to know that she is friendly and has a good heart. She is different but I couldn't have asked for another little sister, she helps me everyday just as much as my family and I help her.