The weight that burdens

By Estelito Meneses

Growing up I always felt attached to food. What I mean by that is I was always surrounded by food and didn’t know how to limit how much to eat, it just kept on going and going like an endless flow of water running down a stream. I had an amazing childhood but it came back and bit me in the ass when I started to grow older.

At first I didn't know I was gaining weight and I just thought, where did this come from? and didn’t mind it. That is until when I was between 11 and 13. I began getting chubby and bigger until I finally saw that I was fat.

Being fat is pretty difficult because it affects how I move and it’s difficult to lose weight. whether it's eating less and exercising, or just exercising—I’ve tried both but have failed because I am lazy and on top of being fat.

The first time I actually tried to lose weight was when I was between 13 and 14. The inspiration for me losing weight was my parents nagging me and telling me to do so. back then i was a little bit depressed and just thought to myself, i can’t lose this weight even if i tried.

But even though I was depressed, I still tried. The first day I tried to lose weight I cooked pan chicken with no oil, a little bit of salt and a pinch of black pepper with a little bit of rice. That was my dinner.

Then after i finished eating my food i did some exercises like squats, push ups, planks. I did this for about a week, and lo and behold I did lose weight bit by bit.

But losing weight, being healthy, exercising, and staying committed was hard. It was like I was Avatar in The Avatar: The Last Airbender, fighting a battle that was hard to win. So I needed my self-consciousness to fight the urge of alluring food but I couldn’t overcome the desire of the food that’s right in front of me.

I recently did an interview with my mom talking about my weight and if she was disappointed or discouraged by it.

Son: first question: what's a hobby you like to do?

Mom: watching Tv and movies.

Son: why?

Mom: cause i like to relax after i work for one week

Son: What would you feel if I was still fat when I'm older?Why would you feel that way?

Mom: I’ll feel happy when you lose weight, but I won't feel bad about you still being fat, you're still my son.

Son: What would you feel if I was skinny when I'm older?Why would you feel that way?

Mom: same why do you ask?

Son: cause i thought it would be a different answer than the previous one.

Son: Mama or papa, are you discouraged about my weight? If so, why?

Mom: Discourage you?

Son: yeah about my weight.

Mom: not just to remind you, much better to lose weight in your young age so it's not hard because if you're older it's hard to lose weight.

When I heard this I was actually happy. I thought that she would be disappointed or discouraged about my weight but I was wrong. My mom was indifferent about whether I was fat or skinny she still loves me regardless

I have tried to do different diets like the pan cooked chicken diet and the “eat less” diet and as i stated before my self-consciousness stopped me from going and instead let me eat all the junk food i wanted, which was not a very great idea now that i think about it.

In the end i am still chubby and i don’t mind it if your thinking that im ugly. it doesn't matter to me, the only thing that matters is that i'm happy and love my self like what my favorite band said always love yourself and i am still thinking of losing weight but i have to enjoy life first before it gets taken away from me.