it's either now or never

By Jared Valencia

Senioritis. When people say they have it, you think to yourself: no that’s not real; it’s just an excuse so students can be lazy. Although that may be partly true, once you have it, your grades and your chances of graduating become increasingly slim. But what happens when you're met with senioritis and difficult moments in your life at the same time?

Going into my senior year, I told myself that I wasn't going to let anything get in my way. For the first time in my high school career, my grades were at the highest they'd ever been. All A’s and all B’s. I maintained a 3.8 GPA or higher my whole first semester. It was a grind and I felt like I really accomplished something. My parents were so proud of me, my mom even brought me a cake that day.

Fast forward after 2021, my family was hit with COVID, all 6 of us including my grandparents were stuck at home and in our rooms for two weeks. I kept the same mentality that I wasn’t going to let anything get in my way, but slowly I started losing focus, little by little.

A few days passed by, I was woken up by my grandpa telling me to call 911 because my grandma wasn’t good at all. I rushed out of bed and dialed them right away. We were later told my grandma had pneumonia. Apparently it was caused by COVID and it made sense since during quarantine she had the worst caught out of everyone at home.

This made me more concerned for my grandma, I always have her on my mind and check on her a lot throughout the day to make sure she is okay.

Around this time I started losing focus on school, my attendance for some classes was starting to get bad.

After my grandma was starting to get better, I found myself starting to attend my classes and also catching up on a few assignments I didn’t do.

Things were starting to look promising until the day we were told the news. My uncle, my mom's brother and the son of my grandma, was hiding the fact that he was diagnosed with the highest stage of pancreas cancer. It didn’t seem real to me, the chances of surviving pancreas cancer especially at a high stage are almost none.

But we still had hope and tried to believe in a miracle. One month went by and my uncle was bedridden. I went to visit him as he was getting more and more sick. It was around the month of march when I went to go see him. He could barely get up on his own and could barely talk. We visited him often and tried to just enjoy his company and the company of our family members that came to see him.

A few days later we were told he only had two weeks left.

It’s just crazy thinking about how just a few months before that I saw him, he was walking, talking, laughing, and just cracking jokes with us. On March 25, a Thursday, I went to see him, and he was not good at all. He wasn’t responsive and he looked like what seemed to be his last breaths. We all cried as we saw him suffering from the pain in front of us.

Friday March 26, marked the day my uncle passed away. During his last breaths that Friday afternoon, we all said our goodbyes and thank you’s for everything he has done for us.

At this point it felt like I had so many things in my mind, I cried so much that no more tears came out. I wasn’t able to open up to anyone as easily anymore, I had so many things bottled up inside and I still do to this day. I kept strong for my family and my grandma. Nothing hurts more than losing a son as a mother.

Throughout this time, school didn’t cross my mind once. Not until I realised I was way behind. Even then, I didn’t have the motivation to continue. I started off slowly, my class attendance was so bad, most of my good grades dropped to low C’s and just recently an F. And as a senior, you can’t risk having any F’s whatsoever.

I was also recently told by one of my teachers that, if i don’t raise my F up to a passing grade, it might hold me back from walking the stage.

All that effort I put in for what? I told myself, Having good grades almost all year and trying my hardest just to not be able to walk the stage?

12 years of school, 12 years of stress and also some years of being picked on by other students, all that and still being told I might not walk the stage. I thought to myself all these bad thoughts, I felt like I was in such a deep whole that nothing would get me out of it. I kept all this to myself, I didn’t talk to anyone, not even my own parents.

I wanted to give up, I really did, but for some reason, deep down inside of me I felt some type of hope. I don’t know what caused or inspired me to have that hope, but I'm grateful for it.

Because of that small amount of hope, I was given some motivation. Even though I still have everything bottled up inside, I was given motivation to finish up the rest of my senior year. I told myself, I know I'm behind, but I was given one more chance and it's either now or never.

I reached out to some teachers and they offered me many opportunities which I'm really grateful for. As I sit here writing this out one day before its due, my grade went up to a C. I'm so glad and grateful that I was able to turn my F into a passing grade.

It's been one really hard year, but I know when I hear my name called on that stage it will all be worth it