Expressive Effort

By: Antony Huynh

Back then I didn't really see why people try so hard at what they do. I always thought that passion wasn’t something that had backlash. But I guess I was wrong. Competition is everywhere. And then I began to enter that area where I continue to seek approval for my work.

What has it done to me all these years? I’ve tried harder and harder to become one of the best, but the cost of it was bigger than what I can take. When you want to be at the top, you have to take the biggest fall and the hardest hits. The cost was a loss of self confidence, morality, gaining a view of yourself as more of a failure than a winner. I became more greedy with attention and saw more cons in myself than my pros.

Everytime I continue to work, I become proud of the result but then I get more and more disappointed in myself as many others begin to point out my flaws, bringing down my confidence and making me feel like I only got up a few steps. So why do I continue to go down this path when it always takes a bite out of me every time I go further? It’s a question that lingers around everyone’s minds as they work themselves to different passions they enjoy.

Although art was my emotional outlet, it was also my biggest misery. As time passed by, from freshman to senior, I became less arrogant about it. I did enjoy doing art, but it felt more forced than natural. I was just trying my hardest not to draw with a frown. Back then, I told myself, “If I were to pick a career or job, it’s one that I would enjoy.” I strayed from my word as I spiraled down further.

Everytime I looked at a blank page, I felt more frustrated than joyful. The feeling of knowing what I was gonna make, but along with the fear of a poor execution. How hard is it to see that I’m not as bad as I think? My mind’s filled up thinking about the flaws and hate my work will get instead of praise, as many others have raised the bar countless times.

However, looking at others, specifically those who’ve gone through seeking praise and approval as well, I realized that there’s no standard needed for approval on art. There is no such secret to getting “good” at art.

So I began trying my own methods and style in my drawings. I felt more free than I ever could be. I wasn’t restricted by a self deprecating mindset anymore. I learned that art is not about being the best, but it’s about being yourself. It’s a lesson the film Kung fu Panda taught me, as Po said, “There is no secret ingredient...it’s just you.”

We don’t always have to be like someone else to gain appreciation and approval. Masquerading ourselves doesn’t feel like a free man’s land. Being you is what sets you to success without losing the image of who you are.