Maturing with damage

By: Carina Rodriguez

I would say my childhood was short, I had to learn that being the oldest in my family meant that I had to learn to do things; whether it meant cooking little “meals” or taking care of my siblings. I learned how to raise my siblings and put them first because I knew that they were affected by this too; I was on my own since my parents were rarely around.

I remember being around 8 or 9 years old the first time my parents left me home alone. It wasn’t for that long but they decided that it was a good idea. I learned how to wash my own clothes by the age of 9. I learn to cook stuff in the microwave and make snacks of the things that we had in the pantry.

Even when it came to learning how to ride a bike, I was always the second choice. They taught my siblings stuff first and then me. I had to learn how to ride a bike without training wheels.. Everything that was supposed to be a good family memory or a little bit of my childhood memories became me learning how to do everything myself.

I learned how to do my hair, shave my legs, paint my nails, do my makeup ,etc; alone. Now I’m 16 about to be 17 taking care of myself and 3 other kids. I had completely forgotten that I was young.

Quarantine started, It completely stressed me out more. If I thought taking care of my siblings after school was bad. I now had to make sure all of them got up for school. Balancing out me helping my siblings with their homework and me doing my own, I made sure they got theirs done on time and would stay up late to finish mine.

Distance learning is stressful at times. I sometimes have to cook meals during class so my dad comes home for lunch eats then takes some for my mom. Other times I won’t be paying attention in class because I have to stop my siblings from arguing or making my little brother have a tantrum.

I felt like mom in a way, I was there for my younger siblings and they came to me for almost everything. In a way I'm very proud to be able to be their role model but I’m figuring out everything on my own, I wish I had someone to look up to and at times it just gets to me.

My parents miss a lot of the most important moments in life because of work. I'm not mad at them but sometimes it would be good to hear that they are proud of me.