Taking a breather

By: Jenny Contreras

I remember the many lectures my dad has given me after any complaint about school. He goes on for hours about how having an education is the most important tool, and while I agree to a certain extent, it makes my decision to take a gap year all the more difficult. The phrase “échale ganas (do your best)” rings in my ears, I’ve heard it so many times that it’s started to lose meaning.

He’s listed every career option there is, hoping I would decide on one but I tire him out with every rejection. How do I tell this man who has worked his entire life for me to have what he couldn’t, that I will not be attending college after graduation?

Going to college now would mean going to college for my dad, not for me.

His temporary disappointment is inevitable. I know that I want to go to college, that is, when I know what I want for myself.

Watching my three older sisters start college with a clear goal in mind has never made sense to me. Is there something wrong with me? Do I not have ambitions? My parents’ comparisons between me and my sisters have made it seem that way.

To me, taking a gap year means exploring my options, getting to know and understand myself better, taking a breather. School has always felt suffocating. The overwhelming pressure to decide on a path that will determine my future terrifies me.

Elementary school doesn’t seem that distant; how is it that I will be graduating in a matter of months? Although the past 13 years of going to school haven’t been easy, my K-12 years have been a safety net, which, come May, will no longer hold me.

Making decisions has never been easy but deciding to take a gap year has come the most naturally to me. I’m choosing to prioritize my mental health and to focus on finding what I’m passionate about. I want to get to know myself beyond the academic realm.

I recognize that college being an option is a privilege and I do not take my privilege of education lightly, which is in part why I will not go until I know that I will not disappoint my dad or dishonor his sacrifices.