Happiness in My Own Skin

By: Priscilla Rodriguez

Ever since I was a kid, I have always struggled with body image. I am talking about years of having negativity towards myself and my body. I've always been told by people that I was “ too skinny” and that I needed to eat more because in their minds, I wasn't “healthy enough.” I remember when I was in middle school, 6th and 7th grade, I was called names like “stick” or “skeleton” by many of my so called “friends”. I would laugh it off in that moment, but deep down it really did mess up my self esteem.

Many people, including my own family would tell me, “Why are your legs so skinny? You don’t eat or what?” Hearing these comments at 10 or 11 years old was terrible, and it messed up my confidence growing up.

I never liked the fact that my very own family would make comments like that. I was just a little girl. I wasn't even fully developed yet. Why did I have to be so insecure at such a young age? Instead of living my best life, like every kid should, I was focused on how I looked like in other people’s eyes, and what I wore to hide my skinny legs. Thinking about it now, it breaks my heart.

When I was 13 I got into really bad eating habits. I would eat so much food. Fast food is specific because in my mind, I thought that it would make me gain weight. All I was thinking about was satisfying my family, so that they don't call me names or make fun of me anymore. I was never thinking about myself and how I felt comfortable.

I would look at myself in the mirror and I just wasn’t satisfied with myself. I thought to myself, “ All I see is bones. When am I ever going to gain weight?” When in reality, my body was just doing it’s thing. I had a fast metabolism, which prevented me from gaining weight but I was perfectly healthy.

When I got older, many things changed, including my mindset. I met my amazing friend Cristina and she made me feel loved and beautiful. She would always compliment me everyday I went to school and would tell me how good my makeup looked, and how pretty I am. It was around the time I started to get into makeup and would post makeup tutorials on instagram. With the little community on instagram that I made, the people who watched my videos and commented nice things about me and how good I do makeup, I slowly started to gain confidence in myself and felt proud.

My mindset became more mature, I started to love myself and learned how to not care about what others think about me.

I may be skinny and what about it? I may not have the body that society loves or social media expects, but the most important thing is how I love and think about my body. Ever since I started being on social media, being a lot more active, and posting more, I have built a little community on my youtube channel that makes me feel so loved and beautiful. Shoutout to all the people who love and support me. Support from others is always appreciated, It means so much. I am extremely grateful for everyone who has made me overcome my insecurities.