developing my self-worth

By Eunice Rios

As a kid I struggled a lot with accepting how I look. When I was a little girl, I was bullied at school because of the way I looked. People called me ugly, a witch because I have a bump on my nose and other names as well. I grew up listening to those words and it got to the point where I started believing that.

From elementary school to middle school, I struggled a lot with trying to find happiness and to accept the way I look. Up to this day I still go through this. It’s hard to bloom into the flower I’m supposed to be, when those thoughts are like a cloud covering the sun.

When I started high school, I thought it was going to be different and that I wasn’t going to have those thoughts anymore. I was wrong. I saw girls around me who were beautiful with or without makeup. I felt very insecure and I started to put my hair down so no one could see my face, in order for no one to judge me.

At school I’d always have a smile on my face so that no one would ask me questions about how I’d feel. No one knew the thoughts that were running through my head and I liked that. I wanted people to see me with a smile rather than a frown on my face because I didn’t want to be seen as a weak person.

When hanging out with my friends, I felt happy because just by being with them, it helped distract me from the words that were in my head. As I started to feel better, I heard someone who I thought cared about me call me names behind my back. I felt like something inside me shattered into a million pieces.

Since I didn’t want to tell anyone about how I felt, I started to write my feelings down on my phone where no one could find it or read it. Music was also a way for me to let everything out by crying and then I’d have no more tears left at the end of the day. I was at that point where I couldn’t keep it all inside, so I told my bestfriend.

He helped me by giving me advice and by telling me that I shouldn’t listen to others if they are going to bring me down. He said it’s best to listen to the people who will help me throughout any problem. I don’t know what I would’ve done if it weren’t for him. I’m glad that I told someone I trust about what was going on because I felt better and felt like I took a whole weight off my chest.

Yes, I still struggle with accepting the way I look, but I know it shouldn’t matter because the people who love me, don’t choose to be friends with me because of what I look like. They choose to be friends with me because of who I am.