Loss

By Lizbeth Murilo Sandoval

As a kid, I used to be terrified of losing people who were in my life. Just the thought of it happening would terrify me. I would never like to accept when a person would walk out on me. Whether that was my friends or my own family.

I understand that it’s the way life works but I didn’t expect it to hurt so much. I would rather tell myself that people leave for a little while rather than knowing that they’ll never come back.

Acceptance and forgiveness are tied to one another. In order to forgive, you need to accept what has come to be. Acceptance is a struggle for a lot of people. Accepting that they’re never coming back or accepting that you can’t tell that specific person or people your struggles and accomplishments is a different pain.

People say that forgiveness is “easier said than done.” Yet, it almost feels as if I’m always the one to blame.

As I grew up, people would distance themselves from me because of how different we would later on become. I didn’t know if I was ever doing anything wrong but I can’t force people to stay in my life just because I don’t want to be alone in this world.

Now, I make sure that one’s absence doesn’t bother me.

I think that the one that hurt me the most was when I lost my best friend. I’m still not quite sure where it went wrong. I’m constantly thinking about all the great times we had. Moments after, I ask myself if I ever did anything wrong to make him want to slip away.

In the past, there would be days when we would go weeks without talking to each other and when we talked once again, we caught up with everything that happened during those gaps. It was different in the end. Like when you're used to sunny days and suddenly there’s a big thunderstorm.

The one person who ever truly felt like family to me was now gone. That put me back in a dark place that I worked so hard to get myself out of for years.

It's hard to accept that sometimes, even the most important people in your life can leave in the blink of an eye. Just like when a candle’s warm flame is blown out cold.

Despite the loss of that particular bond, I’m trying to find myself again.