growing is a pain

By Chris Lopez

Growing up feels like your youth being whisked away in a flash. I still feel like it wasn’t long ago that I first started high school. But now I'm a senior and I'm about to go on to build my life. I’m going wherever to start growing into a legitimate adult.

And the thought of becoming an adult is scary. Thought’s like “will I be successful?” or “am I even prepared?” often cross my mind. It’s stressful to think about where I'll end up, or what I’ll end up even doing.

But above all else I’m scared of failing when given the opportunity to grow, whether that be related to college, or a job. Nothing is ever guaranteed, so the possibility of failing is stressing.

I want to be able to support multiple people, I want to do more than just get by, I want to own something. If I have kids I want to be able to leave them something valuable so that they can leave something to their kids, but if I can’t do that then honestly, I’ll feel like I’ve failed.

College is my current plan as to how I'm moving forward with my life. But even so, I'm not entirely sold on the idea of college. I don’t even know if I can do what I want if I complete my degree, but it’s what I’m doing anyways.

As a little kid my parents always told me that in order to succeed I needed to go to college, to have a well paying job. It wasn't till recently that they’ve begun instilling the idea that I need to be happy with what I choose to do.

But finding something that I think will be enjoyable is hard, especially knowing that my final decision is meant to be more than just enjoyale but well paying. I already decided what programs to apply to, but even so I’m still very open towards changing majors.

I’m not even in college yet and I’m already unsure about whether i'm going to enjoy it or if I’m even gonna benefit from it. The fact that there are students with degrees working at places where their degrees does not apply is scary. Who’s to say that even if I get a degree that I'll ever be able to use it.

But despite how my fear about my future persists, life continues. Doesn’t matter whether I’m scared or not, a choice must be made about what I want to do with my life. And at least as of right now it’s the path to a degree. That may change but, growing up requires one to at least come up with a decision.