Breaking through my bubble

By: Mikayla S.

Ever since I was a kid, I always had troubles with socializing and opening up to anyone.

I was always told that I was too quiet and shy. Everywhere I’d go, I would hear it from everyone. “You're so quiet” “You never say anything” “She’s so shy”. It was quite tiring hearing it, but I’ve been told that too many times to the point where I got used to it and started to believe it.

I had many friends, but opening up to most of them wasn't really me. I didn't want people to get caught up in my problems. I always kept my problems to myself, because I was scared of what people would think about me. Every time I would be asked “How are you?”, I would simply answer with an “I’m fine.” while on the inside i'm struggling to get my whole life together.

I never really liked going out with my friends because I had a big fear of being around so many people. In the seventh grade, my friends made plans to go to the mall, but I thought about it and got really anxious because I didn't want to go. I was scared of so many people being there and possibly getting judged by them. I backed out and thought of any excuse just to not go.

Teachers always had a problem with me being too quiet. I had bad participation points because I never raised my hand to answer a question, but the times I did, I would have to repeat myself over and over, because I was not being heard. Every single day I would hear, “Can you please speak up?”

I hated participating in spirit week, or any school events, because I didn't want to stand out. I didn't want attention from anyone. Just getting a haircut or wearing new clothes I've never worn before and going to school the next day was scary for me. When I walk into class I get so paranoid that people would notice and would say something.

As I get older, I'm slowly maturing and starting to be honest about myself and let people know how I actually feel. I'm not used to that feeling, but it feels pretty good. I opened up more which made me more straight up. I'm becoming more talkative and very comfortable in the environment I'm in.

I'm a bit more social now. Being more social makes it easier for me to make new friends and start less awkward conversations. I'm trying to step out of my comfort zone little by little. It's not that easy for me when I'm still overthinking what people would possibly say, but everyday I slowly try to be more open with myself.

For The Warrior Times, this is Mikayla Saquiton.