learning to speak again

By Jazmine H.

When in person school started again I was terrified yet I felt kind of excited at the same time

I was scared of having to socially interact with people again after a year and a half of not having to talk to people other than my family. I was scared people wouldn't like me. I was scared of having to sit in a room with 20-30 other people who I didn't know.

Other than that, I was excited. I was ready to make new friends, make memories, and live the “high school experience”.

The night before school started all that excitement quickly faded and was replaced by fear and nerves. I was no longer excited to make friends, instead I was scared i would panic and say something dumb the second someone said a word to me. I no longer felt the want to live the “high school experience.” All these thoughts kept me up to the point where I couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard I tried. I didn't want to go knowing there were gonna be hundreds of unknown people there.

I just wanted to stay in the comfort of my room where I didn't have to socialize with anyone I didn't know. I was so nervous I'm sure I didn't sleep at all.

When the first day of school came around i got to school really early and made sure to check every classroom i walked into to make sure i didn't accidentally walk into the wrong one. While waiting for my first period to start someone came up to me and asked if I wanted to hang out with her and her friends. I panicked and said no. I really wanted to say yes, I just couldn't find a way to do so. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't bring myself to have a full conversation with someone.

For the first several weeks I only responded with one word. I was scared that if I tried to talk to someone and panicked they would either laugh or just ignore me.

After about a month the people in my chemistry class started talking to me a lot more and eventually we became friends. They helped me get comfortable with talking to others. They have helped me to the point where I can now have full conversations with teachers and students. I have even been able to present projects without panicking too much.

Now we're close to ending the semester and I have gotten better at not panicking when someone I don't know approaches me. I still freeze up a bit and struggle with crowds but I have amazing friends that understand how I feel and are patient with me.

For The Warrior Times, this is Jazmine Heredia.