redefined

By Manuel C

Growing up, I never used to pay attention to the people around me. I was only just an ignorant and bitter kid growing up. Disobedient, rebellious, disrespectful, unreliable, and undisciplined were the words that perfectly described someone of the likes of me.

There have been countless times where I just walked past people close to me who desperately needed something of me, whether it be attention or looking for me to return the favor that they have blessed me with. Everything social that I participated in, I always had to make up lies and false promises. I told people I would do whatever they needed me to do, even when I knew I would never do it. I told people lies in an attempt to try and get everything my way. It might have been the way I was raised. Born into a house of harsh discipline and manners caused me to be sneaky and malicious in front of others but not in front of my parents. Being a nuisance, traitor, and vulture was all that I stood for.

There was once someone who I loved, who I should've been there to care for, then it all went away. I swore on everything that I had that I would always be there for them, but in the end, I lied. Through the means of deception, I lured them into a trap of false hope and trust for me. Like I have always done, I gave them lies and promises I knew I wouldn’t keep. It seemed like they were just everyone else to me, but this time, it was drastically different. They made me feel a certain feeling that I wished I could experience again.

As time went by, they kept on creeping closer and closer to me, until they came too close. They saw my true colors of who I really was then decided that I could never be trusted again, that I can never be let into their heart and mind again. I wish I had never left them in the dust, that I had been someone that they could lean their emotions on. It’s never been the same since, and I will never forget what I’ve forsaken.

I know my parents, composed of a Mexican Father and an Asian Mother, were working hard to build me into something that they could be proud of, and yet, even with all of their effort and all of their sacrifices they have made for me, I still couldn’t better myself.

I always seemed to have a problem with people calling me out on my lazy behavior when I knew that they were right. My parents would always tell me, “Good Morning” or “How was your day?” and I wouldn’t even say anything back. Some days, I wouldn’t speak a single word to anyone at home. I never had a thought about saying anything to them, since I really only saw them as people occupying my home.

For some reason, I was never appreciating or grateful for the things that others did for me. If someone was immensely generous and hospitable towards me, I wouldn’t even think about giving it back to them.

I imagine that most of the people that know me only see me as dark and gloomy, like I'm just someone who only cares about themself. This gave me a nasty personality and a social stigma that I now realize needs to change.

It was only when I had grown up that I would become aware of so much more than before. As I had grown up, I had also become much smarter, which let me understand a lot more about the world around me. I was not only aware of the feelings of the people around me, but I was also aware of myself.

As a middle schooler, I had moved out of Stonegate Elementary and into CCA. I made the choice to leave Stonegate as the final ultimatum to getting a second chance of forgetting the past and creating a new self.

A new dawning was upon me, and I made my first true promise to myself. A promise that I will never lie about anything, a promise that I will never break promises, a promise that I will repent for my bastardly wrongdoings.

Ever since moving to CCA, I had the undying urge to start exercising and working out. I also forced myself into isolation and silence as a way to stop myself from getting too intertwined with others' lives, since I feared hurting them mentally. I sought out someone to teach me a form of discipline, something that could turn my nasty behaviour into someone who you could respect. I did so by joining Vietnamese martial art classes, and miraculously, it worked.

I could feel myself become something so much greater than who I was before. My master taught me an astronomical amount of what it means to work hard. I was forced to go above where I thought I couldn’t go. I was required to have rock hard concentration and highly strict attention. I could tell my parents were able to see how hard I was working to seek a better life.

At home, I pushed myself to connect with my family. Now, everytime my family members greet me, I always greet them back, telling them to have a wonderful day.

The ultimate goal that I am hoping to achieve for the future of my life is to become a soldier with the undying will to protect what I swore to defend. In the next years to come, I will dedicate my life to training and preparing to join either the Marine Corps or the Army.

As someone new, I will never forget the legacy and sacrifice of those who gave their efforts for my well being. With determination and unstoppable drive, I will become someone to be proud of.

For The Warrior Times, this is Manuel Chi.