"learn to fail."

By Brandon Nop

The idea of self-acceptance is a powerful tool. Coming to terms with the good and bad within to become the truest form of yourself is the greatest form of self-love, am I right?

But sometimes, the hardest part is taking that vital first step. And knowing where to begin. Believe me, I would know.

It was during my pretentious days of high school that I would come to hear a few words of advice from my dear friend Johnovon Nguyen; a former YB alumnus and current first-year at UC Davis. Someone who was like an older brother to me and a mentor in some sense because of our shared hobbies.

In his serious, yet tension-free and calming voice, he told me, “Learn to fail.”

Of course, me being the wee little freshman I was, I didn’t fully understand what he meant. My brain was already overloaded with memes, anime, JRPGs (Japanese Role-Playing Games), and trying to memorize the names of the new people I was meeting.

In a recent conversation I had with him, he further elaborated on the quote and what it meant to him.

Johnovon: “Personally, to me, ‘Learn to Fail’ is using the lessons that I've learned across multiple aspects of most my life and applying them into tackling situations in the academic life or, mainly just the daily scenarios that you encounter.”

So, in essence, it means to not view the things that suck about you as well… things that suck about you! Rather, you should take it upon yourself to use those mistakes, use those accidents, and use those so-called failures to learn from them and reflect.

Remember how your elementary school teacher would tell you to learn from your mistakes? This follows the same principle. Heck, you could argue that they are one and the same.

If this idea carries such a meaningful message, how did this mindset change Johnovon’s life?

Johnovon: “I applied this piece of advice across high school and it definitely led to me having a more optimistic mindset into approaching things, especially hobbies, and new skills I’m picking up. I would say around an 8.5. It’s not a 10 truly because for me having a lucky-go-happy… lucky-go-lucky–what the hell? Happy-go-lucky positive attitude all the time isn’t really healthy. It’s okay to feel negative emotions but, I just feel like you shouldn’t be completely overwhelmed by those negative emotions. You should use those negative emotions to truly reflect on what you’re doing, and whether or not you can proceed into the future with more lessons to tackle situations.”

The idea of learning to fail really left an impact on me once I began to understand it. The concept of it also happened to line up with the ideas of learning to love one’s self, something I was struggling with at the time. By learning to embrace my failures, I would be one step closer to loving and believing in myself. What surprisingly helped me solidify the ideas of self-acceptance was my playthrough of Persona 4 Golden, a 2012 remaster of the JRPG with a similar namesake: Persona 4, which presents an overall theme of accepting one’s true self. One’s “shadow” if you will.

Picture this. You scored poorly on a math test, let’s say it averages out to a C-. What would you do in that situation? With the idea of learning to fail in mind, you would accept your fate and tell your parents the truth.

However, there are some cases where someone might hide it away from people and just put on a happy face for everyone. We call this toxic positivity, the idea of maintaining a happy and positive outlook regardless of how dire the circumstances. Not to be mixed up with optimism of course.

Brandon: “Definitely. I would say, you’re thinking of toxic positivity, when you were mentioning? I think toxic positivity is definitely a big issue we have amongst–I don’t wanna say it’s our generation exclusive. But like, it’s a lot more prevalent now. It’s a bigger problem.”

Johnovon: “There’s a whole stigma revolving around it that everyone used to be like, positive all the time. Just like, that your long term goal in life is to be happy. Well to me, that’s a really dumb goal to have because, well… happiness and sadness come in waves. Both of them have their parts in what they're affecting in your life. Happy will show you, obviously, it awards you for all the struggles you go through in the bad times. But the bad times will actually teach you lessons that you’ll need to take on for life. So having a positive mindset just completely all the time won’t get you… I wouldn’t say get you anywhere, but it won’t get you far. Having a more real mindset will probably will.”

A realist mindset. The middle ground between the optimist and the pessimist. The realist will often reach a compromise based on their abilities and circumstances. They don’t hold themselves to absurdly high standards, yet they don’t undervalue themselves either. Of course, it is far from perfect. Mistakes will happen.

Johnovon: “All of us are human. We’re… all of us… Like I mentioned so many times, we all make mistakes. And just because we are older and more intimidating in that factor, doesn’t mean that we haven’t started from square one before. We know the lessons and frustrations that come when trying to learn, and the sacrifices that we make in order to actually fulfill and dedicate ourselves to learning all those various hobbies and skills.”

Mistakes are inevitable. That we know. One moment might make it feel like the world is ending, but it’s what you do afterwards that really matters. Will you reflect and grow? Or will you run and hide? If it’s the former, you’re already taking the first step in learning to fail.

You see, ever since I was a young lad, my dad was constantly comparing me to others around my age who did better in academics. A sentiment that I’m sure many first-gen Asian American students are way too familiar with.

The pressure to do better. The idea that you aren’t “perfect” unless you score considerably high marks on all your subjects (especially math). And while this didn’t really affect me much in grade school, the weight of all the stress definitely began to take its toll right around the time of adolescence. I was struggling mentally, even if I wasn’t aware of it.

With the added factor of childhood trauma from my dad, I was scarred. I was afraid. Afraid of failure. The concept of “learning from your mistakes” didn’t exist in my household.

And I would’ve gone the rest of my life with this mentality. I would end up an academic zombie. Not alive, but still walking only to study.

It was around that time when Johnovon was introduced into the equation of my life. Someone who would end up becoming a big part of my high school days.

Johnovon: “[Our] interactions early on were myself being like this sorta big brother figure for you, and also for Bao, and you know the underclassmen in general. I was just generally like… the goofy sorta person that is down to talk and just generally down to have fun. What made me struck that [whole] seeing myself in you, that perception, was just seeing how much willpower you’re willing to put in for the things you love doing. I saw how much you loved dance and as a sophomore going through all of that hardship in my freshman year, I wanted to give just pieces of advice from my own life, and from my childhood, and from all the struggles that I really went through.”

Johnovon was and still is someone I rely on. From the random jokes we shared to the time we spent on our performances. Tons of memorable moments were shared and created with him.

Yes, memorable moments indeed.

And it was his words that changed my life for the better. And I’m hoping that I am able to achieve the same impact, if not better, on underclassmen as he did to me.

Johnovon: “Another piece of advice that I would generally give as well, and also is learned from ‘learn to fail’, is the idea of humility. Which is looked down upon. Like, who doesn’t want to be like… I can’t say it... [stutters] humiliated? I can’t speak… But, the idea of humility, no one wants to be like that obviously. But, the lessons that come with it are what drive you into bettering yourself as a person. It’s a balance in a sense of having pride and humility. You don’t want an ego all the time. You need to stay humble in what you’re doing, humble in your skills, and humble in your respective scenarios y’know? Not being overly pretentious as a person is a big thing, for sure.”

Learning to fail, not failing to learn. Growing and changing as an individual. Life is one strange journey about discovering yourself throughout time and space. We’re all human, not perfect beings, so why not embrace that which makes us inherently human?

In the words of Takuto Maruki, “Everyone is capable of changing themselves. Your imagination is the only limit.”

For The Warrior Times, I am Brandon Vireak Nop.

Audio Used in This Warrior Story

Falling Infatuation - DeadlyJimmy

Lucky Boy at Night - DeadlyJimmy

Birds in a Valley - DeadlyJimmy

Reality Hurts - DeadlyJimmy

Comfort - DeadlyJimmy

Falling Stars - DeadlyJimmy

Don’t Give Up - DeadlyJimmy