outshining darkness

By Aleena Munoz

One of my favorite memories of me and my grandma is when she was brushing my hair, and she was singing a song she made for me. Afterwards, she would let me pick a book from the shelf. My favorite book was ‘The Berenstain Bears’. I loved that book, it was so funny.

Since my grandma lived in Modesto, we didn't really have time together, but I will always cherish the moments I have with her.

Two years ago was unexpected. I was playing outside with my brothers, and my mom got a call from my grandma. She went to her car to smoke, I didn't really think much of it because it's a habit, but when I heard my mom screaming and crying, my brothers and I ran to her car and asked what’s wrong.

She told me that my grandma has cancer. When I heard that, everything around me just stopped.

The thought of losing my best friend was heartbreaking, I was shaking, but I wasn't crying for some reason. Ever since the call happened, the only thing on my mind was my grandma. It really took a toll in my life.

When I was little, my grandma took me to Gilroy Gardens, and when she took me, I kept looking at her and how she doesn’t care what people care or think. She always told me that.

She had long beautiful jet-black hair. I always wanted to braid her hair, but when she started chemo, that really hurt her because her hair started falling out.

Grandma: “The most difficult part of my journey would’ve been, feeling nauseous, constant vomiting, and losing my hair. I always, throughout my entire life, received compliments on my hair. Im very light skinned and i was born with jet black hair, and i always had very long straight hair, and it almost. My hair became like a part of me, where it was just. It made me feel good, and to lose my hair, it was so shocking, and it put me through depression almost, to go from having the long silky hair, to completely bald, nothing. I felt different, I felt like I didn't want my friends to come see me, I didn't want my family to come and see me, I almost felt ashamed, and the nauseous, and the vomiting, that was a part that was very difficult, but I overcame all that.”

I got bad grades, and I wasn't really communicating with my family. My family didn't really check on me because I put a brave face on. I acted like it didn't bother me, but at night I cry all the time.

Last year, when I lived in Stockton, were the most tragic months of my life!! And even worse it was during the pandemic. I had no one, no friends, no one I could count on. My mom was always working, so I was usually in charge, because my older brother was too busy.

I had the same routine everyday, and this was during online school so it sucked even more.

One day, when my brothers were away, and my mom was working, I had some deep dark thoughts. They kept repeating, and all I kept thinking of was my grandma. She is my whole world.

I almost gave up that day, but something was holding me back, and that was my grandma. She doesn't know about that day, no one knows, but they will eventually.

I know my brother is hurting, but he acts as if nothing happened. I try to get close with him, but he shuts me out. I can't complain because I do the same thing. He always acts tough, and it's so annoying.

Grandma: “I felt numb, I was actually, I guess in shock and I remember sitting there and I remember having an outer body experience, where I can see the doctors lips moving, but I almost couldn't hear what he was saying, then I snapped out of it, and right before I walked out, he asked me if I was okay, and I just remembered looking at him and telling him, ‘Yes I’m ok.’ He asked me if I had any more questions, yet I had a million of questions, I just wanted to hurry up and get out of there, so it was really shocking.”

My grandma is a very hard worker. She goes back and forth all around campus. She works at San Jose State University, and she's the most loving person I have met. She always puts a smile on my face, she always has a glow, and that's why her nickname is ‘Sunshine.’

Grandma: “Yes, I would have to say my response has to do with family, because I took, I went on medical leave, and I took time off work. My coworkers were contacting me via text messages, emails, and phone calls, which I really didn't take, I just didn't want to talk to anyone outside of the family, and with family, they all came through, they just really hovered over me, protected me, consoled me, checked on me, and were there constantly for me, and its unusual, because I come from a family where we all have strong blood, and we’re all independent, and don’t really need that, but they knew I was weak and vulnerable, and they really came to my need.”

Substantial support for breast cancer awareness and research funding has helped create advances in the diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer.

Breast cancer survival rates have increased, and the number of deaths associated with this disease is steadily declining, largely due to factors such as earlier detection, a new personalized approach to treatment and a better understanding of the disease.

No matter what comes in life, never ever give up.