To my sister

By Julissa R

Growing up, I always had my older sister to rely on. I remember having the best time playing dolls with her. When I got older, I had her to ask about makeup and clothing. I could always talk to her about anything, fearing no judgment from her. Sometimes, I felt like she was the only one in my family who understood me. My brothers didn’t want to hear about makeup or clothing, so I always viewed her as this hero. My youngest brother is only six, he wouldn’t really understand. My other brother was at the age where I couldn’t trust him, always telling my parents everything and anything. Having Jissel meant that I was cared for, even if she didn’t show that she cared all the time. Having her was the best because I know I always have her to talk to.

Jissel: I have three memories, the first one was this one time where we were taking a bath together and we were playing with our rubber duckies. I don’t know, I just thought it was very cute. The second one is when I used to take you to your first grade class every day. Like every day, like every day I had to because you were small and I had to and I remember being so annoyed because I wanted to go to my class but I had to. The last one is that one time we got lost at Walmart and we wanted to cry but we ended up finding our mom. So, yeah, it's funny now.

Being in first grade, I remember having a proud feeling when she would walk me to class. Maybe it was because I used to think she was so cool. Spending time with her every other Sunday at the pulga was always so fun. Spending time at parties was always so fun, being with her in the bouncy house and hitting the pinata will forever be some of my favorite core memories. I look back at our baby pictures and find it so wholesome when my Mom would match our outfits. The feeling of just knowing that I got to spend a good childhood with her makes me happy.

When I was in fifth grade, my sister and I weren’t really as close as we used to be. We’re only two years apart, but when I was eleven and she was around thirteen, the age difference seemed way bigger than it is. I wanted to play with dolls and with my shopkins, but she didn’t want to do that anymore. She didn’t want to play with me anymore. I remember feeling so hurt she didn’t want to spend time with me. She was growing older and was interested in going out with her friends. She turned into this moody teenager, getting mad at anyone who asked her a simple question.

Julissa: What were some of your favorite things to do growing up?

Jissel: I liked to play dress up with my mom’s clothes, even though they fit me big of course, but I used to like to put her clothes on me and her jewelry and her heels and everything.

Julissa: And with me?

Jissel: I like- my favorite thing during childhood was watching like these weird shows at 12 am. Watching those like weird shows the TV would put on like at 12.

In my seventh grade year, our relationship was not good. We barely spoke to each other and we often only had conversations at the dinner table. I was going through stuff and was distancing myself from my whole family. At school, I had friends I could talk to but it was different at home. I felt as if they would judge me if I talked to them.

Then, we went into quarantine. Being in quarantine was hard. I stayed in my room for most of the day and avoided talking to anyone as much as possible, but bottling up everything doesn’t work because eventually you’ll need someone to talk to. I started talking to my sister more, putting effort into making conversation. It wasn't easy opening up at first, I felt so disconnected from her, like she was a stranger, but then I knew she understood. She understood what I would talk to her about and she understood what I was going through and did her best to help me get through it. Soon, I started to feel like I could tell her anything. We both put in effort into our bond and we’re always there for each other if we need anything. We reconnected and our relationship grew stronger.

Julissa: How do you think we grew closer?

Jissel:

Growing close again made me feel happy. I knew she had my back like I had hers. Around April of 2020, Jissel came out to me as bisexual. I was the first person who found out in the family and today my mom and I continue to be the only people. I feel a sense of happiness knowing that she could trust me enough to tell me. I know it’s not an easy thing, but I want her to know that I love her, I’ll support and love her no matter what. She’s a great person. She never judges other people and wants the best for everyone. She’ll be there for you when you need something and will make sure you’re doing well. She’ll go out of her way to do anything for everyone.

Julissa:

Jissel:

I used to think of my sister as a selfish person who didn’t care about me, who just stopped caring about me but being so close to her now I see what a good person she is. She had other interests and she had to live her life. She’s an amazing sister to my sibling and I. She’s not selfish or anything like that, she'll be there for you all the time and for that, I think she deserves the world. The love I hold for her is so dear to me, I hope she continues to be happy forever surrounded by people and things she loves.