together in spirit

By Karen Machuca

Okay, so I don’t even know where to start but let me introduce to you the person who changed my life forever and better. Meet Natalie, my (half) cousin who I met in 2013. She was 3 at the time, and I was 5, about to turn 6 years old going into kindergarten. Our relationship blossomed from that initial meeting, and I can gladly say that we are now best friends forever. (BFFS).

The first time I met Natalie, I remember that she took one of my slippers off of my foot, and she was running around with it. My mom told me she was my half-cousin because her dad is my dad's cousin. I, of course, didn’t realize what a cousin was. All I knew was that she was a part of our family. We didn’t spend as much time when she was 3 years old. Later on, since we're neighbors, we would be out until dark, having the best time. She was six and I was nine, we hung out all the time, every single day. I think from there we knew how strong our friendship was.

Natalie: “100%, we even made a promise when we were little, I remember that actually, and yeah”

We would play with barbies at her house, she always invited me in to play with her, and I gladly did even though we have a two, almost three, year age difference. That didn’t matter. We also played pretend camping, and we were little troublemakers. Making a mess in the kitchen once because we were ‘’baking’’ her mom was a bit upset, but we enjoyed the mess. Plus my mom always thought we were gonna be friends forever the moment we met. I saw Natalie as my little sister because I have a brother, but I was aware of a sister that didn’t make it. That sister was supposed to be my older sister. Natalie filled in that void. Anytime we got to hang out, we would do whatever there was. As I got older, that mindset of playing with Natalie sort of changed, but we still hung out either way.

Natalie: ‘’ When you were older, I always wanted to play with meep city–, not meep city, not roblox with the little dolls, you know the little small ones mixie q’s! but with yours, because you had so many more than me and I was so jealous because of that, and I told you I wanted to play with them, you always said no I don't wanna play with them, like i'm bored of them, girl you had everything I want’’. ’

I realized her mom got upset at the ‘’messy’’ things we did, so I brought her into my home. Something else I also realized was that her mom never played with us. My mom and I would babysit Natalie from time to time. Natalie enjoyed her stay over while her parents and siblings worked all day. My mom played tag and sometimes barbies with us. Over time I saw Natalie becoming really close with my mom. I did mind that she was here or wanting to come over a bunch of times. It was a bit buggy but overall I enjoyed her being with me afterwards.

Natalie: “I liked it (Going over to my house), but you didn't seem so excited about it, you seemed like ‘I don't want her here, please get out of my house’, cause you never liked when I came to your house.. I was like, ``Can I go to your house you were like no no. But your mom used to play tag with us and that was so fun”.

My mom was like a second mom to Natalie because her parents were always at work. I was like an older sister to her. She already had older siblings, but they are far apart in age, so their relationship is very different from our relationship. Her family was always busy with work or school, so Natalie only had my mom and me. My mom was always home since she didn't work. Natalie would always want to come with me everywhere. At one point, I just wanted to be with my mom or family, but I realized that Natalie needed that love and attention she was lacking.

Natalie: “My mom (ughh) my mom never played with me.”

Me: “Why do you think she didn’t? Or just no?”

Natalie: “It’s cause I like to play in English and not in Spanish, like learn English please (laughs). I’m glad she doesn’t know English so I can talk whatever I want… I see your mom as like the mom I always wanted.’’

Me: ‘’ A second mom. yeah i get it . And I see you as the sister I never had. ‘’

Natalie: “Exactly!!!!”

Me: “Basically dude basically!!”

Looking back at the things I noticed with her family, I realized there were issues I was not aware of between her parents. One time when I was over, we were in Natalie's room, and all I could hear was bickering in the other room. Natalie would try to speak louder or do little things that made it look like it didn’t bother her because she wasn’t trying to ruin our time together. This underlying tension between her mom and dad affected Natalie bit by bit. I couldn’t help her in this situation because I never knew what had happened, all I tried to do was make every moment the best for her. All I wanted to do was help my best friend as much as possible. She always did little things for my family or me, and I did the same.

Natalie recently got a baby sister, and she has been with us for 5 months so far. She told me that her parents have been more available ever since her sister arrived. Natalie finally gets more time with her mom. However, the things Natalie wants to do with her mom are way different than what her mom wants to do. Natalie loves shopping, but her mom is a bit overcontrolling. My mom took Natalie and me to a public swimming pool about three years ago. Natalie would rather have her mom take her to the swimming pool than take her to the store shopping. I saw Natalie that day burst with joy, and she was overwhelmed with so much enthusiasm. That's what she always wanted from her parents, just to spend time with them somewhere fun.

Natalie: “Go somewhere, not to the shops obviously, these days my mom just takes me to the shops. I tell her ‘Oh can we go somewhere?’ shops. ‘Can we go somewhere else?’ shops. Getting food or something. Going somewhere that is not shopping… I don’t think I ever actually went to the park with them, just being them, without them bringing anyone.”

I think this is the moment where our friendship just increased. Our bond just got stronger. We had ups and downs like normal relationships do. We would fight about stupid situations but eventually get over it. Through it all, we both have matured and grown. I have seen her grow so much, and she has realized what was going on between her parents. Now in 2022, she has matured so much, but she still has that little kid spunk in her. We always talk about what we used to do when we were little, taking walks outside and things like that. We both relate on a certain level with many things, like our strict parents (laughs) and dreams in the future. We both understand each other so well, sometimes better than my parents or her parents. Even though she has that ‘’little kid’’ mindset, she understands most of what I say.

Natalie: “I absolutely hated going with my parents (to their workplace). It was a pain in the as*.’’

I understand her very well since I was in her position once before. She tells her sister and mom things, but she can’t talk about everything with them because they tend to judge straight off the bat. I don’t judge people at all, I’m an open book, so anything she tells me, I sink that in. I take what she tells me, reflect with her, and try to give her advice that would fit. Like I am with most people I meet. I saw that kid grow so much, and she means so much to me. Nowadays, we don’t hang out as much, but when we get to talk, we enjoy being in the zone—little sister and big sister type bond. Either way, we continue to have great conversations every time we see each other.

Natalie: “If I never met you, then I wouldn’t be the same to be honest, I wouldn’t be having this much fun. Like I probably hat…”

Me: “Hate? My life.”

Natalie: “Cause I literally had no one.”

Me: "You want to say bye?"

Natalie: "Byeee see you in the next interview!!! Bye!"

Whether we are sisters or not, our bond has grown stronger over time. Of course, there were ups and downs in our friendship. Throughout the time we've known each other, we've shown a great deal of care for one another. Friendships are not forced; they form naturally. I'm so thankful to have met this ball of sunshine that has changed my life. I try to think what it would be like if I had never met Natalie, my cousin, but I can't. I wouldn't be the same without her.

For the warrior times, Karen Machuca

Music credits: ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Track: Found You — Declan DP [Audio Library Release]

Music provided by Audio Library Plus

Watch: https://youtu.be/jknZyNh2cag

Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/found-you

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Track: Rain — KV [Audio Library Release]

Music provided by Audio Library Plus

Watch: https://youtu.be/PQuOzTSv1Vs

Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/rain