bullied but still me

By Jessica B

A sad and unfair reality is that some people have struggled with bullying at school. Some people don’t have the courage to tell anyone to make it stop, while others do and speak up. This is how Vanessa Fernandez’s experience was but fortunately, she found support and overcame being bullied.

Fernandez felt like she had to hide parts of herself in order to be liked. She no longer felt like herself in the 2nd or 3rd grade because of this.

“I was a really nerdy kid. Like, I was, I was weird [and] I liked Minecraft. I liked video games. I liked stuff like that and for like a little girl, that was weird,” she explained and because of this she didn’t get along with the other girls.

“I was definitely kind of a push over or something. Like if you, um, because I was desperate for friends,” said Fernandez. She would do stuff that she didn’t really want to, like talk bad about someone behind their back, or do stuff that made her look dumb. For instance, she recalled how she would always try to fit into a conversation even when they didn’t want her there, or chase people that didn’t want to be friends with her.

Fernandez had a lot of anxiety as a little kid and so she felt like she couldn't always trust her mom especially with things she didn’t do right. If she made a mistake, then she would be afraid to tell her and a big thing in their relationship was that she wouldn't want to come to her mom.

“I did talk to my mom a little bit but I didn’t like open up and straight up be like 'I am being bullied.' I would tell her 'oh yeah, today this happened and this happened' and she picked up on it, like, I was being bullied,” said Fernandez. Her mom tried to help but she was a teacher so it made everything worse. The kids would see her as a snitch because her mom was always around.

Fernandez tends to be more understanding of people who are outcasts. “Honestly as bad as it was . . . I would not go back and change it because if I weren't, I would be different today,” said Fernandez. This gave her a perspective of kids who are outcast and she can kind of relate to them.

“It was kind of complicated for me because like, my mom, she was either a teacher at my elementary school or she was a principal there and so that was a big, like, hindrance for me; like, I felt like I couldn't be myself,” said Fernandez. She didn't find herself until she came to middle school because at that point, her mom didn’t have that much control over her any more because she was at a different school. She became more confident in herself and showed her true personality. She also found friends who liked her for who she is.

“I think I learned that it was okay to be who I am. Like, people are gonna like me, somewhat, you know, even if, like, people find me annoying . . . as long as you're confident in yourself and your abilities then people are gonna be like drawn to you in some ways or another,” explained Fernandez.

Even though being bullied is an unfortunate event that happens to some of us, some people like Vanessa Fernandez wouldn’t be the people they are today because it gives you a new or different perspective on how she relates to other people and their experiences.