All that remains

By Melross P

Let’s see, from the best of my memory, we’ve lived with each other throughout most of our childhood, but one day, the landlord of the small house my parents and I lived in passed away and we had no place to go. With me being so young at the time and my parents struggling from financial issues to let alone take care of me wasn’t so easy. This was around the same time he moved out of his house, around the same time we did, and I couldn't even imagine how hard it was because I knew how both of our families were struggling financially and with two extra siblings that his parents had to take care of alongside him.

So there it went. Eventually we all moved into this small little house that was home to the little house that I still live in today. For the most part, it was a wild experience. Most of the things that would happen with four little kids living in the same house would turn out. We fought and cried A LOT. Most of the time though, it was always him versus me, probably because I was the only child and my parents were so overprotective of me where I wasn’t even allowed to be out in the backyard by sundown, so I guess he kind of saw me differently in some childish fantasy way.

I remember when I broke his Xbox controller right in front of his eyes and after that, he beat the living **** out of me. I couldn’t do anything, but he would keep calling me names and making fun of me constantly, but I just couldn’t do anything but cry and tell on him for all the stuff he’d do to me. Then he’d get punished by our parents for all the stuff he’d do to me. Then it would end with both of us crying and the next day began where we’d fight over some stupid thing and the cycle continued.

But he was still there for me. We all went to the same school at the time and there, I'd get severely bullied for how I looked and the way I would tell on someone if they did something to me. It was almost like I never left home with the way I was treated. Even after all the stuff he’s done to me at home, he’d stand up for the bullies in my way and even go as far as confronting and almost starting a fight because they would mess with me. He taught me to be strong, regardless if I got hurt mentally or physically. We were both such at a young age at the time of this but he taught me so much.

Then it happened. Around 5th grade, he alongside his sisters moved away to Oahu, Hawaii, leaving me and my parents in the small house we grew up in. At this point, we were already so close like we were all best friends, but something was wrong. I didn't cry, I didn’t feel sad, I just said goodbye like it was just nothing. But why? We did so much together, and to think I wouldn’t see you guys for years at this point, why did I have such a dry reaction? It felt like nothing ever happened and I honestly would even forget they didn’t live with us anymore.

Little did I know after he left, it would leave me with the toughest experience of my life. Here came middle school, where in other words, I would call the worst part of my life so far. So many things I could name that went wrong during this time period. Puberty, self-consciousness, bullying, reputation; just everything went wrong and I had no one or anyone who was there for me, telling me if what I was doing was right. I was just so done at this point. I hated how I looked, I hated how I acted, I hated how I would deal with certain things. I would do things like hear the slightest criticism and take it to heart. This went on until early high school, and it kept going on until I heard news from him for the first time in about two years.

When Mom told me the news through the phone, I was heartbroken. They told me that he dropped out of high school and that he got sent away to some sort of camp due to his rash actions. He was aggressive towards his siblings, towards his parents, and just a bunch of scary things. I didn’t expect this from him. The cousin I knew was hard, but I never thought it would ever come to this. I thought the cousin I grew up with was gone. Mom then encouraged me to write a letter to him to reach out and say all these things I’ve wanted to say for a long time but to be honest, I expected him to just ignore the letter. Few weeks passed and surprisingly, he wrote back to me, and there I knew the cousin I always knew was still there. He told me how much he missed being over here back in San Jose. He told me how better things were doing for him at that camp that he got sent at. He told me all the things that I most definitely needed to hear at a hard point in my life, and most importantly, he told me to never back down to anyone/anything in my life.

I remembered now it was him; he was the person who I could go up to every time I had a problem going on, he was the person who I could go up to every time I felt like I was doing something wrong, he was the person I could always count on no matter what circumstance. So that’s what I needed, a reminder that he and the memories we had will always be with me and help me through my toughest times. So whenever I would have a problem, I would always think “what would he tell me in this situation?” And it would help me every time. I became more confident in more of my beings, made better decisions, and just overall did better in my life knowing the person who grew alongside me is still there.

For the first time in six years, on March 12, 2022, I finally reunited with him and his siblings and man, all the memories just hit in a blink of an eye. All the good and bad memories started coming back and I couldn’t be happier. All the times he would call me small and short—well, the tables sure have turned as I am indefinitely taller than him. So what if he dropped out of school? So what if he got sent to some camp due to his rash attitude? So what if he had his ups and downs from time to time? So what?

We grew up together. After everything that’s happened, he’s still the biggest influence on my life.

But I still felt like it wasn’t enough time with him.

I hope he’s doing well in whatever he’s occupied with at the moment.

He was like the brother I never had.

And I'll forever love him for that.

For the Warrior Times, I am Melross Poblete.