The Journey through Distance Learning and its Effects

By Vincent N

Minor TW/CW: subtle mention of suicide

It was the year 2020, two years prior to the writing of this story. I was in 6th grade at the time, in a small class, doing some sort of writing assignment on that day in April. As we were writing, the announcement suddenly blared to life.

“Hello, Ramblewood. Due to the recent pandemic, the school will temporarily be closed for three weeks. In addition to that, you will all be dismissed early. Please pack your stuff and wait for your teachers to dismiss you.”

The class cheered, including me. We eagerly packed our bags and were dismissed.

We stayed at home. It was so nice to just be laying in bed, when you were supposed to be at school, doing school work.

Of course, it was still the school year; we were supposed to learn, so the teachers found this nifty app called “Zoom.” And so, we had our first Zoom class. The system was pretty weird to adjust to at first, and I found it harder to learn and focus in online classes. But surely, I’ll get used to it. It’s mainly just a temporary inconvenience. It’s not gonna get that bad.

…Right?

And soon enough, it was the beginning of 7th grade. Not only were we still using Zoom, which had already added a bit of difficulty in learning, but we were also just thrown into a completely new system. We had multiple classes compared to our singular class from elementary school, new schedules, more homework. On top of all of the above, all but two of my friends were going to a different school. My friends, the ones that I had been with for most of my life, were all gone. I had never felt this lonely all my life. My classes also had none of my other friends in it. I felt truly alone. All of this combined with Zoom learning made things so difficult.

It may be hard, but I just need to get used to it. That's all, I told myself, again and again; every day, every week, every hour in class. So every day, I endured the class hours, the lectures, the loneliness.

And even though I had connected with my two other friends online, it just wasn't the same as meeting them in person.

Things got even worse with rising tensions with one of them. We let our opinions and views on stuff drive us apart. Every week, there was bound to be a fight between us. Every week, I felt lonelier. Every week, I felt more miserable. There were so many insults thrown around, so much distrust between us.

However, with all of this, I found a sort of safe haven. It was an online community—it was a wiki-fandom, although for me, it was a bit more than that. Whenever my friends and I would have a fall-out, I’d hang out there. The community was one of the most inclusive, kindest communities I’ve ever seen. They became a sort of support for me, something to lean on at the times when I couldn’t lean on my friends.

For a while, I felt … happy. Hopeful, even. Maybe this year wasn’t going to be so bad.

Weeks passed, and even with the semi-support of my friends and the online community I found, I still felt down. It wasn’t enough. I wanted all of this trouble to just stop.

In other words, I couldn’t take it anymore.

However, I did something, something that could’ve quite possibly saved my life back there.

I started venting to my friends, the same ones who I would often get into fights with. Before this, I never opened up to them beforehand about my thoughts. I felt I couldn’t trust them. However, desperation for somewhere to just throw out all these thoughts had developed. My friends had then e-mailed the counselor about what I had said.

I ended up getting a counselor/therapist, which helped a lot. Near the end of the school year, I finally felt myself become more … happy again.

It was now 8th grade. Time marched on, and although I still felt down, seeing my friends in person helped a lot, and I felt my spirit lift a bit.

Now, it’s 2022, two years from distance learning. I still feel some of the effects from distance learning. Being away from people for so long had made me gain a sort of awkwardness for talking to people while also making me very unconfident of myself. I would say I’m still picking up the pieces to this day, but overall, I’m happier, more social, and a tad bit more confident. I’m striving to be more social and more confident in myself. I think that, for once, things are looking up for me.

For the Warrior Times, this is Vincent Nguyen.