Scared of high school at first

By Kathy N

High school was something I was scared of. I remember thinking to myself that I would fail because I thought I wasn’t smart enough or even knew enough to pass middle school at that time. I just felt like I was so stupid and at times I still do. I am still scared of high school but not as much as I was before.

Throughout most of middle school, I didn’t feel like I was smart enough for my fellow classmates. While I was struggling with understanding the math concepts, my classmates seemed to be doing absolutely fine with the concepts. 

With being in a new school as well as feeling like people would judge me for not understanding the concept, I struggled with asking for help. I eventually gave up on trying to understand math, just copying the answers on the board whenever it was time for us to go over the questions. The process continued until we went into online school. 

During the start of online school. I didn’t really do any work that was assigned. I spent all my time using my phone playing games because my computer was broken. There were options to rent out a computer from school but I just didn’t have any motivation or will to do online school after having been in person.

Online school was only supposed to be for a week, the week before spring break, then after we would return back to normal. That wasn’t the case though. In the beginning, I did try to go to my classes, but then my computer broke after the first week. I gave up on doing online classes for that school year and played games instead.

The next school year came along. I was determined to be different compared to the year before and that is just what I did. With my computer now fixed, I went to all my classes every day. I did fine with all my other classes other than math once again. I was back to square one. I was back to questioning if I was smart enough compared to my other classmates. 

Something was different though. I began to ask for help when I didn’t understand the concept. When the teacher finished doing the lessons, they would separate all of us into rooms of our own via Google Classroom. I was able to ask for help there, when nobody was there other than me and the teacher. I eventually even got the confidence to ask for help in front of my other classmates. 

Even though I didn’t understand the concepts at times even though I asked for help. I made some progress compared to my sixth grade year so I was proud of myself. I was proud that I didn’t give up, that I at least understood some of the concepts I was learning compared to giving up whenever things got difficult. Before I knew it, seventh grade ended and I would be entering eighth grade. 

Throughout eighth grade, I continued asking for help when I didn’t understand something in math or any of my classes. I continued and continued and eventually, I understood the concepts that were taught. I was back on track for my education after some time. The relief I felt when I was back on track for my learning was something I couldn’t even explain if I wanted to. 

I eventually understood that I wasn’t dumb, I just had difficulty understanding things at times, which results in my self-esteem plummeting whenever I get an incorrect answer. I learned that it was alright if I didn’t understand something right away. That it was okay if I was a little behind on understanding things. That I learn at a different pace than others and that was completely fine.

It’s alright to not understand something the first time a concept is introduced to you. Asking for help with things you don’t understand is fine as well. Even if it takes some time to learn the material being taught, it is better to understand it eventually than never understanding it.

For the Warrior Times, this is Kathy Nguyen.