Wish they had stayed

By Yulissa Gonzalez

Have you ever been told the phrase, “appreciate your loved ones while you still can”? I have. I’ve been told that same phrase or something similar to that too many times to count but I never really listened because I didn’t know what the pain of losing a loved one felt like. Until December 15, 2021 and January 2, 2022, those two days changed my life forever. I had felt the pain. The pain no one should have to go through.

I didn’t understand. “Why did they both have to leave me?” “Why couldn’t they stay a little longer.” “I would’ve done anything just to give them one more hug.” I didn’t know what to do or how to grieve it. I went from never having to go through the loss of a loved one to having to go through two in less then a month and to always fearing when was going to be the last hug or the last “I love you” to a loved one was going to be. 

I lost both my grandmas, from my dads side of the family, then a few days later I lost my grandma from my moms side of the family.

Some moments that will always be with me are the times my grandma from my moms side of the family would come to visit us from mexico and every time she would always bring me little kitchen toys and she would always hold me and cradle me and rock me after school and would play with my hair and sing to me. It felt like I was a little girl all over again. It’s the little things that brought us so much closer. 

My grandma from my dads side of the family was like my second mom. She was like a second mom to all of my cousins growing up. If our parents were working we would get dropped off at her house and be cared for by her. She would buy us ice cream every time we all heard the ice cream guy. Her favorite song was “El columpio” which means “the swing” in Spanish.

I never understood the song lyrics until after they were gone. The song says this sentence and I never understood until me and my family listened to it at least 20 times after she passed away. “No ves que la vida es como un columpio cuando sube, se siente bonito, pero cuando baja, eso duele mucho.” Which translates to “Don't you see that life is like a swing, when it goes up, it feels nice, but when it goes down, it hurts a lot.” 

When I heard the news that my grandma from my dads side of the family had passed away, the first thing I wanted to do was hug my grandma from my moms side of the family. I was going to go to Mexico to bury my other grandma and I just wanted to hug her. She was supposed to be there waiting for me with open arms ready to cradle me like a baby. But she wasn’t. I started wishing and wishing I was able to say goodbye and say my last I love you’s before they were both gone. 

Then it clicked, “appreciate your loved ones while you still can.” I finally understood I knew what people meant when they kept telling me. I wish I had listened to them. I have not only one but two angels looking over me now. There is not one day that goes by where I don’t tell someone else the same phrase or something like “be nicer to them you don’t know when you will lose your loved ones.” You shouldn’t take time for granted.