letting go

By Jazmin Liborio

As a young middle school girl talking to a boy is a big thing. Especially when you think they are the one and when you think they are the best person to you, but of course everyone has 2 sides and once they get too comfortable with you they show their true self.  One day they can give you their full attention and show how much they are interested in you and the next act like you don't even exist. 

Yeah I went through that for 6 months. Being in a toxic and draining relationship at a young age really changed me as a person but also made me who I am today. 

In the beginning it was all just love bombing, hanging out everyday, texting and calling 24/7. We were very healthy and the spark was very much there. Towards the middle came the disrespect, the long responses, no time for you but all their time to hang out with his friends, treating you like the 2nd option, the red flags, not being able to talk to them about how you're feeling because they don't even care anymore. Not even being able to be with family without having my phone blown up. That is what got tiring and draining. Being there for them but them never being available for you.

Every month I would try and leave the disrespect and leave him for good but I knew he needed me and that guilt would bring me back into the same situation with him. I would constantly tell my friends about my toxic relationship and they would always tell me to leave for good and focus on myself. But at the time that was just way too hard for me since I had already gotten so close to him and he was the first person I had ever felt like that with. 

My friend Isabella is the one friend I would constantly tell my relationship problems to,  she would know about everything that would happen and would also tell me to know my worth. She understood it was hard to leave him but she also knew it would be better for me.

Isabella- “You didn't look like yourself, you didn't look happy in that relationship. You could tell it just wasn't for you, ummm it was like very toxic and you could just tell even from the outside that it wasn't meant for you.” 

 Isa helped me realize who I was and how dumb it was to be with someone who did not make me happy. 

After talking to my friend Isa she made me realize being in that on and off cycle eventually got tiring. I decided it was time to leave him for good this time. I knew we had both hurt each other and we weren't gonna get better because we just couldn't handle each other anymore.

Leaving was probably the best I had felt in a minute. It felt like weight was taken off and I was free. Finally getting closer to my family and not being stuck in my room anymore felt so good, I got closer to God and my life felt at peace for the first week. It had been 2 weeks since I had broken up with him and I felt super alone. I was going through the “winter depression” and I just wanted someone to talk to. Instead of breaking the no contact I would text Isa and she would help me distract myself and also remind me that change is good. 

 If you're currently going through a toxic/ draining relationship I would say  leaving is probably the hardest part but once you do it gets easier. Even in your lowest days going back doesn't always have to be the answer.