The kid i used to be

By Sophia Nguyen

As I was finishing my first year at Yerba Buena High School, most of my teachers thought I was a very quiet and smart student. “Oh boy”, I thought to myself. If only they had known me in elementary school— back then, I was a completely different person.

That made me want to know what I was like when I was younger, why I did the things I did, and what they thought of me, especially my family. I knew I was a really menacing kid, but I forgot a lot of things that happened during my childhood.

Things from the past may seem unbelievable, but I was just that troublesome. I remember running away from home, causing havoc everywhere, behavioral issues, and there’s just so much more— none the better.

My mother was there when all of these happened, I have a feeling she was trying to hold back from telling me more though. She probably did it to not further embarrass me.

  Mom: Cô bé rất bướng bỉnh, khi tôi mắng, cô bé thường đóng sầm cửa lại. (She is very stubborn, when I scold her, she often slams the door.)

When I was around six years old, we had a house that was huge. There was so much space and even more space upstairs. During that time we lived there, it wasn’t that good. 

My sister and I believed that place was haunted since we were seeing things. Ever since we moved out of our old apartment, which was infested with cockroaches, it felt different. 

Our family was struggling a lot back then with finding a home. My sister even confirmed she would have very bad nightmares to the point she sleeps with our parents. She would have nightmares about spiders with different sizes infested around the house. As time went on, we had way more nightmares and trauma when we lived there.

Julia: You would hold a stick with a spider on it and scare me with it by putting it close to me to tease me since you knew about my fear.

I didn’t know why my old apartment was suddenly infested with roaches, they came out of nowhere. I’ve seen them under the fridge, under the bed, and many other areas. It was unbearable and hard to live in so we moved out to this one big house when I was still around six years old. That’s when my bad behavior started showing up even more.

I was actually a spoiled and defensive kid— I was just fearless. During that time in my new home, that's when my two other siblings were born. My brother was born first, his name is William. I was very uncaring when it came to him. 

I never cared about anyone much. I hated how my younger self would treat my siblings as if they were slaves, I’d punch my younger self without hesitation if I could. My sister, Julia, was the only sibling who witnessed my bad behavior since my other two siblings were very young and probably forgetful of everything.

Julia: You were annoying because you’d force us to get you something like we were slaves. It pissed me off so much, I would always get so annoyed.

At times, I would sometimes physically hurt my cousin when she made me slightly upset. I didn’t know why I disliked her so much but it makes me sick. I remember when we visited my grandparents house, she pissed me off so much to the point I threw a fire truck toy at her face. Her nose started bleeding and I instantly regret hurting her since she started crying.

I was very chaotic when I lived in that damn house, it was the only time I ever acted like that. I remembered our backyard having a bunch of cactuses, I ran into one twice and somehow never cried. That house was also infested with rats, which I tend to chase around for the fun of it.

That behavior would continue until I turned nine years old and we moved out once again for the third time. We moved to a different apartment, willing to try again and genuinely take care of the space. The reason why we probably have so many insects and rats infested in our past homes is definitely due to us not taking care of it properly and cleaning it.

When we first moved into the apartment, I was genuinely upset. It felt like a downgrade since the place was much smaller and I had a hard time adjusting. Like I said, I was a bit spoiled. Over the years, something started to shift in me. I didn’t have a therapist at first but just growing up and going through more experiences helped me mature a little. Age has a way of giving you a new perspective.

Julia: I prefer the current you because you're more chill and mature.

I still live in that apartment now during my freshman year, we originally moved there just so we can be closer to our schools. I got a therapist when I was twelve years old and when she gave me advice, I started to get better. She gave me tools to process my emotions and to understand why I was feeling the way I was and how to cope in healthier ways. Her guidance helped me reflect on my behavior and it made me realize how much I needed someone to listen to me and offer me support. Therapy didn’t fix everything, but it helped me understand myself better.

I stopped being violent, my siblings started to like me more, they even confirmed they prefer the current me since I like to take them to places and buy them things with my own money. I stopped failing classes and improved so much. I may occasionally still bully my siblings, but it’s mostly just in a playful way now. 

Instead of being loud, I became more quiet and introverted. Being quiet might not be flashy, but it feels a lot better than chaos.

For the Warrior Times, this is Sophia Nguyen.