Not perfect

By Katelyn Tran

Expectations. 

How one word speaks so much meaning and affects a person deeply. Everyone is expected to become what someone else desires. A doctor? An engineer? Someone who excels at everything? 

Their "perfect child." 

I was constantly told to be better than others, especially by my family. I was urged to obtain all As, excel in everything, and strive for “perfection.” 

As I grew older, I dedicated myself to studying—studying for my parents, my future, and to make them proud. I obtained straight A’s, changed my own identity, and participated in extracurriculars, just to be “perfect.” However, despite my efforts, nothing seemed to work…

 My hard work didn’t seem to satisfy their needs. 

“Why couldn’t you be better than her? Why couldn’t you get an “A” like your friend?”

These questions constantly echoed in my head, making me rethink— What am I doing wrong? Why am I not perfect? Why am I such a disappointment?

At first, these words were quiet and did not affect me, but as I reached my middle school years, their impact grew into a crescendo. My mental health deteriorated, and I would constantly reach my breaking point. I would think— How could I change this? What more should I do?

Eventually, I broke in front of my parents. I remember that day when I cried and cried, telling them how much I felt like I couldn’t be what they wanted me to be. Feeling useless that I couldn’t make them proud. 

When I saw that look on their face, it wasn't full of disappointment though; it was filled with understanding. They told me it was never their intention for me to be perfect—I just had to be ME, the me that brings out the best of myself. 

After hearing those words that day, I was filled with relief that all those years of expectations, comparisons, and more have lifted off my chest, making me realize I’m perfect the way I am.

Likewise, I understood that a parent's top priority is encouraging their child to become the best version of themselves. The pressure they place on their children comes from a desire to prevent them from experiencing the hardships they had faced before. 

My parents went through so many things to get where they are today—the same expectations from their parents, being compared, and being refugees— and I’m grateful that they have brought me here to this world. 

Now, I strive to work not just for my parents but for myself. To grow as a person and discover who I am outside of the academic world, with my parents encouraging me to do my best. However, their approach shifted from comparison to understanding my point of view.

At times, I still think negatively and am stressed, but I now know that it’s okay to not be perfect because…

Being a “perfect” child isn’t me. 

For the Warrior Times, this is Katelyn Tran.