my way of anger

By Lydel Maldonado

It first started off when I was just 5 years old. What I remember is that I grew up living in the same house with my cousin for about 2 years. Me and my cousin would always fight everyday for something he did that I didn't like or agree with. Sometimes, I would end up hurting my cousin from the things I did to him like punching him in the face and more.

There were some adults in the house like my mom and his mom just watching TV or cooking. When I would fight with my cousin they would try to stop the fight but my mom would never do anything because we were just kids and no matter what they did to prevent us fighting I would still fight with him.

Later on it started to get more serious. I don’t remember everything entirely, but I remember that he got me mad for something he did, so then I decided to cut his charger so he couldn't charge his ipad and then I would just punch him.

It got to the point where he and his mom had to move because of the fights that would happen and he would get hurt. Ever since then I just started to have anger in me, whenever something didn't go my way I would get mad and punch things.

Then, elementary school came. At first I was happy to start school and I had fun, but later on during the year I started getting bullied. 

I would get bullied for the way I looked and they would push me when I get in their way. I started experiencing a lot of anger, but I was never brave enough to do something about it.

Growing up was tough because I was always weak. I had so much anger I would take it out on things like controllers, pillows, and other objects, even hard ones. When I got to middle school that's when things started to change, I was still getting bullied in 6th grade but I met some people that became my friends. They helped me with my work to pass my grade and move onto the next grade level. I was happy that I was able to pass with some help because without them I would have failed and stayed back.

My dad was also an important figure in my life. During that year me and my dad knew I was getting old so I had to start learning how things work.  He would give me advice and basically show me things that I needed to use in life for the future, such as defending myself in words and teaching me how to drive. 

He was a therapist but my dad. I would never tell him what was going on though, I would get into some problems and wouldn't tell my dad because I was too afraid of the consequences I would have to face, but my dad was always there for me. He has been like my best friend since day one. It came to my freshman year and I really changed. I don't know if it's because I'm getting old or whatever but I realized I've been talking back to teachers and people as if I'm defending myself. I've just been “manning up” and arguing as if I want to fight. So I guess you can say I'm going the wrong path right now but I'm trying to fix that.

I'm still struggling with my anger issues and having problems with stuff, like my grades and school in general, but it's better than the little me in the past that would punch and fight people.