Daddy's girl

By Amairany Salvador

Growing up, I always looked up to my dad, but the more I matured, the more and more distance there was between us. 

My dad was my first heartbreak, as he wasn't here to see me grow up, play basketball or even see me start my own business, but my stepdad was the one cheering me on.

My dad did many things to lose my trust overtime, he lied multiple times, he would talk bad about my family and he would tell me hurtful stuff that I still hold on to, which all caused me to cut him off in the end, but I’m still not sure for how long. I needed time to think about it, whether or not I wanted to forgive him.

 Although I could sympathize with my dad, what he did had impacted me to the point I began doing things I never saw myself doing. I started doing things like acting out, returning to smoking, and I started to distance myself from the people I love. I fell into a low place in my life, and being reminded of my dad always reminded me of how he neglected my feelings, never learning who I was.

I was always a daddy’s girl. I would always cling onto him, but thinking back to all the things he did in the past, always made me feel uncomfortable talking to him. I couldn’t look at him without thinking of a painful day, when he and my mom had gotten into a heated argument right in front of me I remember seeing a phone being thrown and them just screaming at each other. My tia had to come get me, as she pulled me away from the fight between my mom and dad. I remember the day afterwards, I came up to my dad, asking if he could peel my oranges. The day before lingered on my mind, as I couldn’t take my mind off what happened. I found myself asking my dad about what happened, wanting to understand.

“Apa porque estabas peleando con mi mama?”, I asked.

[“Dad, why were you fighting with my mom?”]

“No fue nada era una cosa de adultos.” , he replied.

[“It was nothing, it’s just adult things.]  

“Dile sorry a mi mama.” I said. 

[“Say sorry to my mom.”] 

My happier memories of my dad felt tainted, as I couldn’t view him in the same, rose-tinted lens I had before. As he began to show his true colors over time, I found myself wanting my old dad back, the one I can cling onto without thinking of the screaming matches between him and my mom. 

Eventually, my parents ended up divorcing, as their differences were no longer tolerated by one another. This changed things, as I would only see my dad on weekends, though, one week he had not called. I wondered why, and I thought it was so weird. Little did I know, I was in for bad news. A few days after the strange lack of call from my dad, it was my birthday. I was in the jumper with my friend, and my mom called me over.

“Es tu papa” she said.

[“It's your dad”]

I ran towards my mom with a smile on my face, I was so excited to talk to him. However, my excitement was quickly replaced by hurt. He called to let me know he moved back to Mexico, but to me, it was like he was leaving me and my mom behind. I remember crying on the phone.

“Porque te fuistes pa?”

 [“why’d you leave dad?”] 

I asked behind tearful sobs, yet he couldn’t provide me with an explanation. The only person by my side that day was my stepdad.

Looking back, I still don’t know why my dad did this to me and our family. I figured his mind probably wasn’t in the right headspace, but I’m glad my stepdad was there for me when my dad wasn’t.

My stepdad gave me everything my dad couldn’t do.

My stepdad wastes his hard earned money towards my family. He always picks up the phone whenever, no matter if he is busy. He takes us out to eat, takes us shopping, even taking us to Disneyland and Universal Studios. My stepdad is the reason why I have so much passion for basketball. My mom was a single mom of 5 kids, and my stepdad made a big decision coming into our lives. 

See, my dad would make my mom pay half of the rent when they lived together, and would never give my mom money for me and my sisters. But my stepdad? He pays full rent and even gives us money whenever we need it.

One of my favorite memories with my stepdad is my whole quince planning. My stepdad was helping my family out so much, since I was the first person in my family to have one. He helped out during my photoshoot, with the food, and even surprised me with a banda. My favorite part of my quince was doing the father-daughter dance together. My stepdad was the father figure I dreamed of, and dancing with him made me emotional since he had seen me grow up since I was about 6-years-old.

He has proven to me that he’s gonna be here for me and my family no matter how much stuff life throws at us. I went through so much the past couple of years and throughout all the challenges, my stepdad was there by my side holding my hand throughout the whole time telling me everything's gonna be fine.

I'm so beyond grateful for my stepdad. If it wasn't for him, me and my family would’ve been miserable as he is the light in our family. He came into our lives when we were going through so much, and we all love him as much as he loves us.

For the Warriors Times, this is Amairany