Heart full of love & strength

By: Angel Hernandez

My mom’s journey with cancer wasn't a story of illness, but a story of strength, love and the way she kept us going 

When I was around three years old my mom was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer . So at a young age I grew up without seeing my mom for a while. Her time was mostly spent at the hospital and it took like two years for her to come home but unfortunately the cancer wasn't fully gone it was still in her but just dormant. So when she came home I really didn't think about her illness but knowing my mom was home with me I was happy.

From there I never thought about my mom’s health since I was kid and no one really told me what was going on with my mother since my dad and brother didn't want me to worry.

Throughout my elementary school years, my mom was always home or working but then it took a turn since my mom would always have her appointments they would always do a MRI scan. But one day they found out that the cancer had spread everywhere and in her brain especially. Then also with that they found a huge tumor in her head that was life threatening it was ready to burst at any moment. 

Then my brother got a call from one of my moms friends to get my mom an ambulance because she had to go under surgery and have the tumor removed. Thankfully it was 100 percent successful. After a couple days recovering she was finally able to come home again.  But then my mom had to go back and have check ups where they would do radiology on her to destroy any remaining cancer cells in the surgery area. 

At this point I was in fourth grade, and from then I really started to open my eyes and wonder what was wrong with my mom and I started to ask a lot of questions to my brother and dad. I got told everything that she had been through. It really did suck knowing my mom has been through a lot. 

Fast forward two years later and it's the pandemic. My parents were really afraid of it. They didn't want to go to stores or anywhere at all since my mom had gone through so many medications like chemo and radiation her immune system was sensitive and it wasn't as strong as it should be. It was 2020 Christmas morning I was asleep and I woke up to my dad yelling and telling my older brother to call 911 saying my mom was having a seizure. I didn't know what to do. I was freaking out. I was scared this was my first time ever seeing my mom like this. It was really scary seeing my mom vulnerable, but eventually the ambulance came and they took her away from me again. 

 We weren't even able to go see her since it was the time of the pandemic but then the hospital gave us a call saying that she had covid that's why she had a seizure. So my mom had to stay at the hospital again and be quarantined there and the rest of us—my dad, my brother, and myself—had to quarantine since we were exposed to it too. 

Every time she was there we would call her so she wouldn't feel alone. After two weeks had passed, once again my mom was able to come home.After all that my mom was always home and I was happy that she was home and not on a hospital bed. She still had her appointments and had to take her new medication she got put on. 

But recently this year they found dark spots around her brain. I would always ask her when are you going to stop having to go to the hospital and she would always tell me soon. She would always tell me how tired she was from taking medication, getting her blood drawn doing radiation and having all these needles going inside of her. But she was doing this all for me. She wanted to see me grow up. 

It was October 18, the day of her birthday party. Everything was going great. She was having a good time with family and friends. No one saw it coming, no one knew anything would happen but later that night the party was over she was ready to go to bed but I was still awake. It was around 2 am and I saw her not acting normal. 

I was worried so then i called my brother and dad saying “Something's wrong with mom” we didn't know what was happening but she seemed like she was paralyzed and she couldn't walk and couldn't talk. 

Once again the ambulance was called then she started to have a seizure. We all three rushed to the hospital. We were behind the ambulance tailing it. Once we got there and got let into her room we found she had a hemorrhage where in her brain a bunch of blood vessels popped and started to excessively bleeding.

I saw my mom. She was already hooked up onto a breathing machine and she was unconscious. It was heartbreaking seeing her like this. I thought to myself that everything was gonna be okay since from all these other times she's been at the hospital she came back home. We got the news that since she lost a lot of blood there were two options: doing brain surgery or letting her pass peacefully. 

Ultimately the surgery was life risking and even though it could be successful, there was a chance she would be paralyzed and not even able to speak or do anything. Knowing the kind of person my mom was, that is something she would have never wanted.  So we chose to let her brain die out slowly but before that letting every single one of her friends and family come see her one last time 

On October 20th we said our final goodbyes and let her rest knowing she doesn't have to take another pill, having to get her blood drawn and all these other medications. 

It makes me happy that she's resting now, even though I would love to see and talk to her one last time. I'm really grateful that she got to spend much more time with me and see me grow up. I always thought in my head my mom at least had a couple more years in her. 

Now I have to go on with my life knowing my mom won't see me go through the best moments of my life like graduating high school, college and having children. I've realized I could've lost my mom earlier from the tumor being in her head, but luckily she was strong enough to see me grow up for another eight years.