The only daughter

By: Kelly Mon

When I was 6, my older brother moved out to go fulfill his own life as a young adult. I didn’t really expect much from his disappearance. Especially not how much it would've affected me for not having someone to rely on. But his absence broke the trust and the closeness between us, which led to me growing up in a way I’d never expect to. I was just an airheaded little girl, I didn’t know anything. 

Me and my brother are 13 years apart, we never had the same likings and hobbies. He wasn’t into the music I was into, I didn’t like the snacks he enjoyed eating, we lived such different lives even if we were in the same household. So ever since he left, I thought everything would remain the same. 

I didn’t think too much about it at first, but as time passed, I realized how much I missed having someone around. Someone to play with, someone to cry to when I got hurt, and someone to annoy.

I was the happiest kid ever growing up despite the horrible growing environment I was in. My neighborhood isn’t all that great and the building I lived in was not in the best condition. But as a kid I would always be distracted by toys and every little thing in the face of the house, but when becoming a pre-teen, I wasn’t gonna be stuck on dolls anymore. 

 I entered middle school with no sense of fashion, not knowing how to wear makeup which I still don’t, and definitely not expecting to get into my first relationship. 

I was a girl who always longed to have a good boyfriend because that would mean they would be by my side all the time. But I learned that not every guy is the main character from the sappy romance animes that I watched. I left that relationship at my worst. My mental health was horrible, I had no one to talk to, and I dropped all my hobbies. 

I really hated this phase I went through to this day. I wanted to blame all my burdens on my brother because he was never home, never cared to visit, and I am almost positive my brother forgot he had a younger sister waiting for him at home. I was a girl who thought she was invisible. 

But then, I slowly realized that the breakup was my canon event and is literally the reason why I am living the way I am now. I found my peace, I made friends with trustworthy people, and the relationship with my brother was brought back together.

I also found peace within myself and started to enjoy the alone time I’m given everyday. With time, I changed up my room by adding posters and starting a collection of figures. I got back into my hobbies like music and video games and I gained so much more freedom which led me to going out a lot more.

I was free of the cage I was mentally stuck in but I’m glad it happened. I can feel good living in my skin knowing the fact that I am in such a better headspace now. I learned that it’s so much more important to not waste your time over something that isn’t long lasting. 

I always live in the moment when I am out with my friend group who feels like family. I always live in the moment when I am with my parents even if it’s at home simply couch rotting together. 

And I always live in the moment I spend time with my brother and waste his money when I get the chance to.

I am proud to say that I am happy with how I am with myself now. I am always cheerful, always laughing, and always enjoying everything I do. I went from whining over a boy who is no longer in my life to whining over the fact that my favorite show is ending this week. I am now just a girl who is too joyful to care. :)