SENSITIVITY & vulnerability

By: Sofia Pardo

I like to think that being sensitive or showing emotions like this, along with vulnerability, can mean you feel comfortable enough showing them. Unfortunately, in society, it’s seen as “weak” by others. Or not “being strong enough.” That’s one of the issues I have personally battled with for so long that I've come to believe I'm the one who feels weak in front of everyone I know and don’t know.

The biggest issue for me is that I cry or get angry easily after going through something rough or over anything stupid. For one, I recently went through another friendship breakup that I honestly felt very relieved to let go after 2 and a half years. But I was very, very angry at her actions. I’m pretty sure almost everybody does this when things don’t go according to plan,  but it takes me weeks or even months to forget about the situation. I even call myself a crybaby, being too sensitive, or “being the angry daughter” because I know how many tears I’ve spilt or how much punching I’ve wasted on a pillow. 

Fortunately, I was lucky enough to have my best friend and my boyfriend to tell me my problems and my personal issues, and obviously, it wasn’t the first time I told them about it. However, it took me months or even a few years to get really comfortable with them since I didn’t want to feel like a huge burden. Yet I feel really lucky having them by my side.

Me: “When was the moment you realized that we were getting closer as friends?”

Miguel: “The moment when I realized was probably when you started-we started talking more, and we started hanging out more.”

When I first met him (Miguel), I thought we weren’t gonna get close and only have small conversations here and there. But I was wrong. We ended up talking more and more, and getting closer as time went by. He was my first real friend since middle school, and I couldn’t ask for a better one. 

Miguel: “My personal meaning of friendship would be like family and trust.”

I sometimes forget he’s a year younger than me, but I see him as the big brother I never had, and I can tell him anything whenever something in my mind bothers me or when I just desperately need a wake-up call or comfort to snap out of my overthinking, and he always reassures me that everything will be okay as long as he’s there along with teaching me how to let go of a few stuff and giving me life lessons. 

But he isn’t the only one who helped me through the rough times. My boyfriend was the second person who made sure I was both seen and heard. I’ve struggled with speaking about my feelings, and with me being nervous, it was definitely a mental battle that I always lose. But now? I started winning the battle with reassuring words that I was given by my boyfriend. 

He also broke the “tough person era” I had for a while, since I refused to show or tell about my personal issues, and with me losing trust in those who took advantage of my kindness/pain, I shut myself down and embraced the feeling of bottling my emotions and hiding my vulnerability from almost everyone I know.

But he broke the era with a whack of a hammer.

Me: “What does the word vulnerability or sensitivity mean to you?”

Jesus: “Vulnerability or sensitivity?”

Me: “Mhm”

Jesus: “It means that someone really cares about their feelings or is really connected with their feelings.” 

At the time, I was going through either a mental health crisis or something bad was happening, & I believe I needed a talk with someone about it, but I couldn’t go to my mom or my sister, so I was surprised to see HIM texting me about it. Nonetheless, I was very grateful that he started the conversation, and I began to feel better about myself and about a personal crisis.

But sometimes, I would see a huge clock in my mind, and it would reverse its time once I showed any emotion of losing my “tough” persona, and it landed right back to me feeling the same after. Yet, I got to see the light of hearing comfort through the words of my boyfriend and best friend. 

So no matter what, I’ll always be smiling when I hear their words and listen to their life lessons whenever I feel lost in my mind.

For the Warrior Times, this is Sofia Pardo.