to believe or not to believe?

When I was rejected by UC Davis, I thought my journey was over. My desire to attend a well known UC was believed to have halted at that second. 

I was home doing work, I knew admissions would come today, but I didn’t know when. My friend texted me that he had received his decision, but it was nowhere to be found in my inbox, I was nervous.

Then one notification, “From UC Davis Admissions”.

I was on a roll prior to this moment, I had been accepted to UCSC, UC Merced, and UC Riverside, my expectations were just coming off that I could be untouchable. I was wrong.

When I opened my admission portal, my heart sank. I had to break the news to my mom that I had been rejected from the university she considered was the bare minimum she expected of me.

For days after, I was coping, searching Instagram, Reddit, Google. Why did I get rejected? What were the patterns that point to why my application was unfavorable and what can I expect next?

However, two very good friends of mine, Joseph Barajas and William Nguyen, were my anchors to realizing none of this information meant I wasn't a good enough student.

For a decade, I had grown up with a belief that stemmed from my parents and I, that I’d always be a 2nd place or 3rd place student. Joseph saw me as a friend who had a low confidence in himself, William would agree. I would downplay my own abilities.

The rejection and later waitlist from UC Irvine highlighted these thoughts. They made me believe that I could achieve no more, that the rest of the UCs would surely reject me.

William Nguyen: “I remember you being really shocked about that (rejection) and being scared of the other schools since they had a lower acceptance rate.”

Then the unexpected: Congratulations. UC San Diego shocked me and my parents. I remember jumping up, tripping over my table, and shouting in Cantonese to my mom “I’m going to UC San Diego, they want me!” She originally believed my story ended at Riverside, but my friends had a different view.

Joseph Barajas: “I knew you could do it, honestly. And I wasn't really surprised that you got into a UC, so I was quite happy when I heard that (you got accepted).”

My growth has been seen personally as well. Joseph’s first impression of me was “crazy”, later telling me that he sees I am more mature and composed. William also had the impression I goofed around a bit, later claiming I was a more serious leader.

Joseph Barajas: “When you were stressed on situations, I really found out that you were quite good at getting out of it. And you really take your time on each thing you're focusing on.”

William Nguyen: “I think you've been a lot better at being able to work with others as well.”

My mom initially told me to not check my admissions after my rejection from UC Davis, she believed I was likely to be rejected from every other university, but I guess my biggest believers in my life didn’t come from home, it came from the people I collected through my experiences in this school. They knew me better than myself. They believed even when I didn’t.

Only one person believed in me in my group of friends during middle school. We played basketball and football together. But the rest of the group was not what I wanted. They would vape, disrupt class, and take drugs.

I quickly deviated from them when high school came around. The main reason for my leave was the introduction of so many people that showed none of the qualities I preferred, no one played often, they just skipped classes, vaped, and would frequently ditch school. I was not in a place where I’d thrive. 

So as high school comes to an end every second, I will be leaving behind the doubts I grew up with, and maybe, just maybe, I will find friends as trustful of me as the ones I found in this very campus. I will miss this school.