Patches

By: Jaslene Alvarado

Soccer was my way of finding myself; I made friends, traveled, and learned about my limitations, including what I could handle. It was my escape, even if it was just for an hour or two. It felt good to be out of the house.

I would see how important soccer was to my family; my mom played, and so did her brothers. I wanted to share that with them. I would go to some of my uncle's games and think I wanted to play just like him, travel with my team like  he did. I saw him as a role model. He was really good. When he would travel with his team, sometimes the whole family would go with him.

I started playing at the age of 5 and just continued playing as I grew up. At this age, everyone plays for fun; there are no worries, no injuries, no patches, just dreams to become the next Alex Morgan.

 Everything was coming together. I found a team I felt confident in, the girls were nice, the coach was nice, and everything was right. It was just something fun I enjoyed, but then I didn’t, not as much as before. I was 13 in middle school confused, more than ever. 

I used to look forward to the 6:00 pm practices, seeing my teammates, even just running around. But during this time, I started questioning my skill level. In middle school, I’d scroll on TikTok and see soccer players wearing “ECNL, Girls Academy, NPL” patches on their shoulders. These patches determine how good you are. And I realized that I didn’t have one. 

I would get in my head knowing that I wasn’t one of those girls; I knew I wasn't at that level yet. I didn’t have the same skills, stamina, and especially confidence as those girls. 

Consequently, I dreaded going to practice; it felt like a chore. I felt like every move, pass, run, and shot I did was wrong. My teammates had moved on to higher-level teams that had patches. I felt stuck. Quitting can’t be an option. This sport was my way of getting out of the bubble and meeting all my closest friends that I still keep in touch with.

I'm now in High School playing for the girls' varsity team, and still playing for the same club team. I still have the same dreams as a 7-year-old little girl to play in college and go to the big leagues. I'm learning to be okay with the fact that it may or may not happen, but either way, I will try my best to get there and earn a patch soon, hopefully. I still love the sport deeply, but just not as much anymore. I want to, but don't know how.